About ten days ago I wrote a post concerning a young woman in a band that I had a crush on. I toyed with the idea in my mind as to whether to assign her the status of love interest. The night I turned this over in my mind, I came to the conclusion that I would just say she was a crush to me, but not a love interest.
I had a crush on that virgin girl back in the early to mid 2010's, but I never considered her a love interest. She started in on me during the late summer of 2014. I'd liked her before then- had a crush on her- but I never expressed any interest at all in getting to know her better. After she started in on me, I guess she wanted me to confer love interest status upon her, but I had more of an interest in finding out where she was really coming from over automatically conferring love interest status on her. So yeah, busted the virgin girl good.
That other young woman at that same grocery store, Miss Missy Miss, yeah, I had a crush on her from the very start. She worked there for at least two years before starting in on me, and I recognized her as a situation from then on. It took two years of being in a situation with her before I recognized her continued presence in my heart and on my mind as love interest worthy material, so sometime during the spring and summer of 2021, she became my love interest. I referred to her as a love interest, not a girlfriend, but a love interest; I referred to her as a love interest to at least one person during the summer of 2021. I've gone over at length what I "did about it" ever since I invited her to my comic book sale in October of 2021.
So yeah, I don't want that girl in that band to be my love interest. I have little or no interest in getting to know her better. I have little or no interest doing anything about it. I can have a crush on her without conferring love interest status on her. If she starts in on me (doubtful), then she MIGHT become an "issue" or "situation," but still, not necessarily a love interest, yet. I think I really raised the bar over who gets assigned love interest status through my dealings with our Miss Missy Miss.
My main reason for refraining from conferring love interest status on that girl in that band has to do with how she would likely receive that kind of feedback. I think she would regard my assigning her love interest status as a rather arbitrary, unilateral decision on my part. A rather arbitrary, unilateral decision that would indicate a premature, inappropriate emotional attachment to her. She's attractive to the point where I bet she's attracted tons of that kind of attention from men and boys. Nope, don't want her as a love interest at this point.
Back in 2016 I pinpointed this tendency I have to cast about for a love interest from among the women in my world as the source spring in my river of dysfunction regarding my relationship with women. I would assign love interest status to women in my world in order to feel as if I played a part in the dating, love, and romance game I saw others around me play more successfully. It got to where I always felt as if I needed a love interest over the years. Actual girlfriends I always found hard to come by, but no so love interests. This caused so many problems for me with those around me. Problems I don't want to visit on that young woman in that band, and I certainly don't feel like dealing with any of her defenses in response to any way I might behave towards her if I did confer love interest status on her at this stage. So yeah, no gifts to this girl of my comics or CD's, and nothing else on that level either.
So much of my recovery from love addiction involves stepping back over stepping forward. In this post I talked about those woman in my world whom I had a crush on, but not much else. In the case of those two grocery store employees, THEY started something that involved actual engagement with me on some level. Then, they became women I had "issues" with. Women I found myself in a "situation" with. Women whose level of engagement with me required quite a lot of thoughtful, intelligent decision making regarding them both, individually, on my part.
So, stepping back, looking at the big picture, my crush on this or that young, attractive woman in my world doesn't automatically send me down some hellish rabbit hole; my crush on this or that young woman in my world, by itself, doesn't make me guilty of anything. That realization helps me leave the young girl in that band where she is with me, and that realization helps me move on from our Miss Missy Miss as well, without the need latch on to some other young woman by assiging HER the role of love interest.
I had a crush on that virgin girl back in the early to mid 2010's, but I never considered her a love interest. She started in on me during the late summer of 2014. I'd liked her before then- had a crush on her- but I never expressed any interest at all in getting to know her better. After she started in on me, I guess she wanted me to confer love interest status upon her, but I had more of an interest in finding out where she was really coming from over automatically conferring love interest status on her. So yeah, busted the virgin girl good.
That other young woman at that same grocery store, Miss Missy Miss, yeah, I had a crush on her from the very start. She worked there for at least two years before starting in on me, and I recognized her as a situation from then on. It took two years of being in a situation with her before I recognized her continued presence in my heart and on my mind as love interest worthy material, so sometime during the spring and summer of 2021, she became my love interest. I referred to her as a love interest, not a girlfriend, but a love interest; I referred to her as a love interest to at least one person during the summer of 2021. I've gone over at length what I "did about it" ever since I invited her to my comic book sale in October of 2021.
So yeah, I don't want that girl in that band to be my love interest. I have little or no interest in getting to know her better. I have little or no interest doing anything about it. I can have a crush on her without conferring love interest status on her. If she starts in on me (doubtful), then she MIGHT become an "issue" or "situation," but still, not necessarily a love interest, yet. I think I really raised the bar over who gets assigned love interest status through my dealings with our Miss Missy Miss.
My main reason for refraining from conferring love interest status on that girl in that band has to do with how she would likely receive that kind of feedback. I think she would regard my assigning her love interest status as a rather arbitrary, unilateral decision on my part. A rather arbitrary, unilateral decision that would indicate a premature, inappropriate emotional attachment to her. She's attractive to the point where I bet she's attracted tons of that kind of attention from men and boys. Nope, don't want her as a love interest at this point.
Back in 2016 I pinpointed this tendency I have to cast about for a love interest from among the women in my world as the source spring in my river of dysfunction regarding my relationship with women. I would assign love interest status to women in my world in order to feel as if I played a part in the dating, love, and romance game I saw others around me play more successfully. It got to where I always felt as if I needed a love interest over the years. Actual girlfriends I always found hard to come by, but no so love interests. This caused so many problems for me with those around me. Problems I don't want to visit on that young woman in that band, and I certainly don't feel like dealing with any of her defenses in response to any way I might behave towards her if I did confer love interest status on her at this stage. So yeah, no gifts to this girl of my comics or CD's, and nothing else on that level either.
So much of my recovery from love addiction involves stepping back over stepping forward. In this post I talked about those woman in my world whom I had a crush on, but not much else. In the case of those two grocery store employees, THEY started something that involved actual engagement with me on some level. Then, they became women I had "issues" with. Women I found myself in a "situation" with. Women whose level of engagement with me required quite a lot of thoughtful, intelligent decision making regarding them both, individually, on my part.
So, stepping back, looking at the big picture, my crush on this or that young, attractive woman in my world doesn't automatically send me down some hellish rabbit hole; my crush on this or that young woman in my world, by itself, doesn't make me guilty of anything. That realization helps me leave the young girl in that band where she is with me, and that realization helps me move on from our Miss Missy Miss as well, without the need latch on to some other young woman by assiging HER the role of love interest.
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