What's out there for me now? A couple of weeks ago I ran up the idea that various women over the years may have held some attraction to me they felt ashamed or embarrassed about because they felt they could do better than me. The evidence of that I found inconclusive, and for good reason. So good a reason that I think of the possibility of such types existing in my world now as yet another unavailable woman type. Look, I've gotten the message that I'm supposed to take a spiritual approach to how I relate to women. I can't expect to compartmentalize various women into hierarchies to the point where I can behave abusively towards one I consider beneath me somehow and put another on a pedestal and treat her like a queen. So any woman who puts me in a lower ranking hierarchy, where they feel free to treat me like someone lower than them while putting their righteous boyfriend on a pedestal, well, they can go jump in the lake. And furthermore, I have no interest in trying to be a good guy and taking it upon myself to try and work things out with such women.
Which leads me to the next point: according to a lot of friends and other people I've known over the years, I'm not allowed to reject anyone. I'm not even allowed to reject the premise that I can come off as something other than a really good guy who just wants to work things out with women who have conflicting feelings of attraction towards me while at the same time they posess misgivings about the person they have an attraction to occupying the socio-economic status of a fifty-eight year old man with a major mental illness who depends on support from family and the government, among other factors. Again, I don't know if this premise holds truth, because I'm no mind reader, but that doesn't oblige me to try and come off as some good guy to anyone who may or may not have this kind of conflict going on inside of them. They can all go jump in the lake.
Furthermore: okay, suppose such a woman has feelings for me, but she's too proud to love me back, so to speak. That's her right to do so. No woman has any obligation to love me back, no matter the reason. And furthermore: I don't want to put myself in the position of trying to win such a person over, either, because, 1) It's their right to not love me back, and 2) I might be full of shit in my belief that such a women carries a hidden torch for me. I can think of at least two instances in my past where I was totally full of shit in that regard.