Does she? I make no apologies about my attraction to her and desire to see her socially. Maybe I might as well shoot pixie dust out of my asshole as speculate on her state of mind. I'm no mind reader, dig. Me, i'd love to have coffee with her and really get to know her on some social level. Maybe she's just not interested in a likewise manner towards me. If that's the case, then I guess she will never have to think, FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, about what might have happened if she'd been a little bit forthcoming towards me about something that might weigh on her conscience. After all, and seeing as how this line of reasoning I'm on may have ZERO basis in reality; and if it does have ZERO basis in reality, then I don't have to worry about what amounts to just another very attractive young woman who has ZERO interest in me as a potential friend or more; but yeah, what if she has some major shit to hide?
Well, I'll try and help her out, if that's the case. Tell her what I'll do: I'll try to come off as obnoxiously as possible to the point where she will GLADLY hide whatever she's hiding from me, and she will GLEEFULLY continue to collaborate with any confederates on her end in whatever shit she's got herself mixed up in. After all, could law enforcement, whether on the the local, state, or federal level potentially take an interest in what's going on on her end of things? Again, this blog, I just run this crazy-ass shit up the flagpole and see who salutes. "Oh pay him no mind. It's just that crazy Richard Alexander." And I hope it is just little old crazy me. I hope she all she has to hide are like, boyfriends, or some such shit. No big deal.
Me I'm totally down with seeing her socially. But if she's got some big thing to hide, I can see where that would never happen, if she has any say in it whatsoever. Which, of course, she does. Yeah, I'd probably be a real asshole about whatever's eating her, if it's as wildly grandiose in scale as my imagination can make it. It's only as if I've pretty much had to deal with shit like this all of my adult life, so she can bet I'd probably not take it too well. But, what about my end of it? I've gone over all kinds of shit I'm not proud of from my past, right here on this blog. For all the world to see. So, again, pixie dust out of my asshole, maybe, but that would explain why I'm down with seeing her, but she's not down with seeing me.
So, myself, as a person with a major mental illness, I learn to play to two or more possibilities in situations like this. So here goes. There exists the more mundane possibility that she just has not interest in me at all. No bizarre plots or conspiracies to speak of. None. That's one. Another possibility resides in the notion that yes, she's come to care for me, but she thinks I won't accept that she's orchestrated a rather ordinary, run-of-the-mill, years long cat-and-mouse game by me and that I couldn't move on from that and allow things to grow. Then there's the possibility that this crazy shit I've alluded to in previous sentences actually has quite a bit of basis in fact; and I'm talking about the use of the internet to stalk me, the Invisible Woman, people from my past, younger guys wanting to beat me up at clubs etc., etc.
But here's the thing. I have found that the best possible course of action to take in these kinds of situations is....to not do much of anything about any of that, really. If she's just not interested in me, then I just need to leave her alone. I'm okay with that. If she cares for me some, but thinks that more involved interaction with me might not work because of some run-of-the-mill cat-and-mouse game she orchestrated, well, that's her prerogative to not get mixed up with me. Now, the third possibility I've outlined, the crazy stuff, this gets interesting, but still, it might turn out for the best if she tries to work things out without my help. Me, I have no substantive proof that the craziest scenarios have any basis in reality, just me thinking out loud again. And she might well know that if she did come clean on something like that, that I'd probably hit the fucking ceiling over it and want to go right after whomever put her up to her role in this. She wanted to take the point position in that deal, how's she liking it now? That kind of thing. So, not much for me to do but leave her alone, and not do much of anything else.
Well, I'll try and help her out, if that's the case. Tell her what I'll do: I'll try to come off as obnoxiously as possible to the point where she will GLADLY hide whatever she's hiding from me, and she will GLEEFULLY continue to collaborate with any confederates on her end in whatever shit she's got herself mixed up in. After all, could law enforcement, whether on the the local, state, or federal level potentially take an interest in what's going on on her end of things? Again, this blog, I just run this crazy-ass shit up the flagpole and see who salutes. "Oh pay him no mind. It's just that crazy Richard Alexander." And I hope it is just little old crazy me. I hope she all she has to hide are like, boyfriends, or some such shit. No big deal.
Me I'm totally down with seeing her socially. But if she's got some big thing to hide, I can see where that would never happen, if she has any say in it whatsoever. Which, of course, she does. Yeah, I'd probably be a real asshole about whatever's eating her, if it's as wildly grandiose in scale as my imagination can make it. It's only as if I've pretty much had to deal with shit like this all of my adult life, so she can bet I'd probably not take it too well. But, what about my end of it? I've gone over all kinds of shit I'm not proud of from my past, right here on this blog. For all the world to see. So, again, pixie dust out of my asshole, maybe, but that would explain why I'm down with seeing her, but she's not down with seeing me.
So, myself, as a person with a major mental illness, I learn to play to two or more possibilities in situations like this. So here goes. There exists the more mundane possibility that she just has not interest in me at all. No bizarre plots or conspiracies to speak of. None. That's one. Another possibility resides in the notion that yes, she's come to care for me, but she thinks I won't accept that she's orchestrated a rather ordinary, run-of-the-mill, years long cat-and-mouse game by me and that I couldn't move on from that and allow things to grow. Then there's the possibility that this crazy shit I've alluded to in previous sentences actually has quite a bit of basis in fact; and I'm talking about the use of the internet to stalk me, the Invisible Woman, people from my past, younger guys wanting to beat me up at clubs etc., etc.
But here's the thing. I have found that the best possible course of action to take in these kinds of situations is....to not do much of anything about any of that, really. If she's just not interested in me, then I just need to leave her alone. I'm okay with that. If she cares for me some, but thinks that more involved interaction with me might not work because of some run-of-the-mill cat-and-mouse game she orchestrated, well, that's her prerogative to not get mixed up with me. Now, the third possibility I've outlined, the crazy stuff, this gets interesting, but still, it might turn out for the best if she tries to work things out without my help. Me, I have no substantive proof that the craziest scenarios have any basis in reality, just me thinking out loud again. And she might well know that if she did come clean on something like that, that I'd probably hit the fucking ceiling over it and want to go right after whomever put her up to her role in this. She wanted to take the point position in that deal, how's she liking it now? That kind of thing. So, not much for me to do but leave her alone, and not do much of anything else.
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