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Gears locked up

7/30/2019

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My last post talked about the romantic love dilemmas that would tie me up in knots often in my life.  This tendency started in my adolescence when I would become hung up on girls at my school.  Looking back, no matter what the circumstances or on whom I had the fixation, the phenomenon of getting the machinery all locked up and totally dysfunctional persisted for much of my adult life.   I remember a friend mocking me by saying I looked mesmerized on one occasion.  

I go over this again and again and again, but I do so because here resides the truth; my experience with Sara in 1988 has truly shown me the way out of these dilemmas.  Following the template of my time with Sara demonstrated, over and over again, that I never really forsook the love of my life when I would bail on these deals.  That virgin girl at that business in 2014/15 really brought this point home in this, the current era.

The fact that the virgin girl was only twenty-one didn't discourage me from fixating on her.  In fact, it only enhanced the tendency for me become tied up in knots to the extent that I did, and my period of not knowing what to do about all of that lasted approximately four months from the occasion when she fired a shot across my bow to my decisive move to cut her loose.  Since then, the decision to cut these women loose only comes sooner and sooner and with more and more decisive conviction that I'm doing the right thing.

George Clinton said, "Free your mind and your ass will follow."  I think maybe the opposite may ring true in a lot of these situations I find myself in, "Free your ass and your mind will follow."  For example, I often manage to only come up with a good reason for saying no to a person or a situation after I first say no.  Or, as I talked about with this young woman I've been discussing in these posts of late, I only come up with justifications for taking the path I took- avoiding her as best I can- only after the path of letting her go presented itself to me and I went ahead and took it.   




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