I'll try to sum this up. On New Year's Eve 1984/85, my date, "Katie," told me she loved me after I confessed my virgin status to her at a party downtown. I saw this development as a great opportunity to have sex with Katie and have her as a girlfriend. Things didn't work out, and a couple of weeks later Katie told me she never broke up with her boyfriend like she told me she did. On the night I met her, at a party in someone's apartment, my male friend warned me about her after she seemed so gleeful in the time after I asked her for her phone number. She and a girlfriend were laughing in hysterics between themselves, which my friend picked up as being about me. Katie had shown up at the party with her boyfriend, but I went ahead and asked her for her number anyway, and that must have made me seem like a dumbass in her eyes.
Cut to June of 1985. I saw my time with Katie as some kind of missed opportunity to have sex for the first time, and I decided to give her one more try. The date we had after I called her gave her the impression that I had basically tried to rape her in my truck as we sat in an empty parking lot at night. A couple of days later I called her and apologized for my behavior and assumed responsibility for my actions that night. That didn't stop me from having to show some guys in a club that I was willing to defend myself in the fall of 1986.
Okay. Katie probably felt bad about how she had treated me on our initial set of dates the previous winter. That probably motivated her see me again when I called her. Meanwhile, what motivated me to call her in the first place was my overwhelming desire to finally GET LAID, and so, between our wildly divergent agendas that night, a collision course was set.
Why bring this up now? I think, maybe, that former cashier I might have seen at my job a couple of months ago might have felt bad about how she'd treated me for so long. When I saw the 2024 version of her at my job in late February, my old inner workings about her did NOT kick in. I felt so little inside that I wondered if it was really her I saw at work in late February. That can happen if one tries really hard to let go of someone, which I did in regards to her starting in January of 2022. In January of 2022 I stopped patronizing her place of employment and joined a support group for love addiction in a concerted effort to let her go. It worked. That's a big reason for my behavior in that situation I found myself in at my job a couple of months ago when I saw her after all that time.
Before I confessed my lack of recognizable feelings for her in my last blog post, I entertained notions of trying to play my cards right and taking advantage of the possible opportunity I thought I saw before me. After I confessed my lack of recognizable feelings for the former cashier in my last blog post, the memory of what happened with Katy in June, 1985, came back to me.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear, even if I went through with "playing my cards right" and had somehow managed to set something up with that former cashier at some point, nothing like the encounter I had with Katie in June of 1985 would have taken place. Did I shoot myself in the foot when I confessed my lack of the old feelings for her in my last blog post? Maybe. Maybe I could have held it all together and had some consensual sex with that former cashier by now or sometime later this summer.
Or maybe, just maybe, my willingness to "shoot myself in the foot" in the act of confessing where that former cashier now stands with me just indicates all of the changes I've made since that time in 1985. Soon after I apologized to Katie after our date, I made a connection with the first girl I ever dated in the biblical sense. Wouldn't it be nice if THAT kind of thing happening wasn't just a product of its time back then. Man, I sure would like to date someone this summer. But then again, I always would like to date someone I really connected with.
Cut to June of 1985. I saw my time with Katie as some kind of missed opportunity to have sex for the first time, and I decided to give her one more try. The date we had after I called her gave her the impression that I had basically tried to rape her in my truck as we sat in an empty parking lot at night. A couple of days later I called her and apologized for my behavior and assumed responsibility for my actions that night. That didn't stop me from having to show some guys in a club that I was willing to defend myself in the fall of 1986.
Okay. Katie probably felt bad about how she had treated me on our initial set of dates the previous winter. That probably motivated her see me again when I called her. Meanwhile, what motivated me to call her in the first place was my overwhelming desire to finally GET LAID, and so, between our wildly divergent agendas that night, a collision course was set.
Why bring this up now? I think, maybe, that former cashier I might have seen at my job a couple of months ago might have felt bad about how she'd treated me for so long. When I saw the 2024 version of her at my job in late February, my old inner workings about her did NOT kick in. I felt so little inside that I wondered if it was really her I saw at work in late February. That can happen if one tries really hard to let go of someone, which I did in regards to her starting in January of 2022. In January of 2022 I stopped patronizing her place of employment and joined a support group for love addiction in a concerted effort to let her go. It worked. That's a big reason for my behavior in that situation I found myself in at my job a couple of months ago when I saw her after all that time.
Before I confessed my lack of recognizable feelings for her in my last blog post, I entertained notions of trying to play my cards right and taking advantage of the possible opportunity I thought I saw before me. After I confessed my lack of recognizable feelings for the former cashier in my last blog post, the memory of what happened with Katy in June, 1985, came back to me.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear, even if I went through with "playing my cards right" and had somehow managed to set something up with that former cashier at some point, nothing like the encounter I had with Katie in June of 1985 would have taken place. Did I shoot myself in the foot when I confessed my lack of the old feelings for her in my last blog post? Maybe. Maybe I could have held it all together and had some consensual sex with that former cashier by now or sometime later this summer.
Or maybe, just maybe, my willingness to "shoot myself in the foot" in the act of confessing where that former cashier now stands with me just indicates all of the changes I've made since that time in 1985. Soon after I apologized to Katie after our date, I made a connection with the first girl I ever dated in the biblical sense. Wouldn't it be nice if THAT kind of thing happening wasn't just a product of its time back then. Man, I sure would like to date someone this summer. But then again, I always would like to date someone I really connected with.
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