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Finished outlining issue number 24 with inks/ Here's your red meat

6/29/2021

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It took me less than a month to outline the illustrations of issue number 24 with ball point pen. It typically takes three/ three and a half weeks for me to do this stage. I think I will finish the book in the first week in August.

I see the number of visits to my site on a weekly basis is down.  I have no idea what a "unique visitor" means since they changed the way they tabulate all of that.  Oh well, none of the members of my audience seems to ever buy my books or music from this site, but others do at least buy books sometimes, so I guess my site really exists for people who engage with me on the level of buying something, at the very least.

Well, speaking of members of my audience, I guess they read this blog to see what I say about women in my world.  Okay.  I will start by talking about two girls I went on dates with in high school. I talked about one a couple of posts ago whom I gathered wanted to initiate me into the pleasures of the flesh. In 2005, a mutual friend of ours who also took art classes with us back then said that he had put in a good word for me to this girl back then, and that's how all of that started way back when.  Two posts ago I talked about how this girl gave me a half-assed opportunity to have sex with her one night at her house.  I really kicked myself for missing out on that chance, and only the fullness of my years and more experience with women since then let me know that this opportunity didn't amount to much. I'd never even made out with a girl before that night she propositioned me to spend the night with her, for one, and she never really adjusted and tried to bring things to that moment at a later date with some kind of make out session, for another.  One might surmise that she wanted to just pay lip service to this notion of giving me some kind of opportunity to placate our mutual male friend from our art class.

Well, I obsessed on this girl pretty hard after that.  While she attended college in another part of the state during my junior year in high school, and I still obsessed on her, another girl flirted with me pretty hard one time in a science class.  I asked this girl on a date.  The highlight of the date for me came with the heavy snog I put on her as I dropped her off at her house.  That really sent me over the top on my drive home.  Within a week of our date, I saw her walking the halls of our school arm in arm with her real boyfriend, whom I had no clue existed before then.  Well, I obsessed on that girl hard as well after that.  Her boyfriend graduated and joined the Army, but I never had as passionate a snog session with her on later dates.  It just wasn't the same.

I don't think either of those girls would have done me the way they did if they had known how hard I would have took it.  I really felt quite bitter and disillusioned with them in the years that followed.  Eventually losing my virginity and getting more experiences of all kinds with women made both of my deals with them seem like no big deal in hindsight.

In 2014 that virgin girl at that one business I patronize tried to start in on me with her shit. I beat her like a gong on that deal. I count seven or eight women at this one business, including that virgin girl, who all thought in their own dumbass ways that they would be the one to best me at their game, make me crazy, get my goat, call it what you will, they all got beat.  Mind, these games they play are games of their own choosing, playing by their own set of rules, with their own definition of what constitutes a win for them, but I beat them all.  Weird.  Why is that?  Could it have to do with the fact that I've had dozens of women play pretty much this same game with me since college?  Should I take the blame for making their collective losses smart so much?  Sure, blame me, assholes.

The fact that I could become so easily bummed out by and obsessed with those girls in high school meant that those girls I encountered first in college and ever thereafter had an extremely easy mark for whatever game they wanted to play. If they merely wanted to beat me at some kiss off game, okay they could.  If they wanted to go on some crusade and punish me for some offence I committed, by all means.  If they wanted to represent themselves as a girlfriend or love interest to play to some mutual friend's expectations of them, go ahead.  They all had in common, and still have in common, the belief that 1) I'm still vulnerable to this stuff, and 2) that they can get away with it.  Forget about their bullshit morality as the motivation for what drives this urge they all have to go there with me, the real motivators for their behavior towards me lie in only those two listed beliefs.  As time went on, and this same stuff kept occurring between myself and these women over, and over, and over, and over, and over again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, it eventually became advantage Rich.  So much so that I now seem to encounter women who truly find themselves in over their heads in regards to me.  Tough titty, I say.     
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