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Fear of rejection?

3/18/2021

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About thirteen months ago, before the shit hit the fan with the pandemic, I shopped at that business where that young woman used to work.  As I made my way around, I looked over at her and caught her giving me some sort of hoodoo hex eye.  I wish I'd seen it full on, because she looked so good even while doing something as goofy as that.  I've thought out loud recently that friends of hers populate my world, primarily in the coffee shops I go to, and I wonder aloud about whether they seek to influence me with minor interactions.

These, plus more unsavory things I won't go into, indicate to me someone engaging in controlling behavior.  Today I came to the conclusion that such behavior, in this context, displays a fear of rejection on her part.  She never once tried to talk to me, but flirtatious looks that sought to compel my attention in some way would crop up from time to time.

I remember a young woman who used to work at a pizza place on the drag that I wold patronize.  I would go in there the same time of day and see her frequently.  She almost always talked to me, and we got somewhat friendly.  Anyway, she invited me to go hang out with her at her favorite tavern, but I told her I didn't drink.  She acted shot down, but we remained friendly.  She did not have an irrational, exaggerated fear of rejection.

If this person, or these friends, wanted to reach out to me in a genuine way, I promise I will try to be nice about it.  Rejection can suck, but I find it better to build up sort of a thick skin about such things than have a giant fear of them.  On the other hand, this young woman can read this and say, "Geez, the only thing that has compelled my attention to this guy this long comes from a fear of rejection?  I outta here!"  I would accept that decision as well. 
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