I often write about attractive young women in my world. Right? Beginning in earnest around 2009 and ending around 2012/13, I would ask waitresses and baristas out who typically spanned a great difference in age between themselves and me. I've talked about compiling quite an oh-fer for my trouble. I think I lost track at about oh-fer 17 or 18. I decided that this represented a phase from that time that I don't care to get back into. I think of it as just fine and dandy that I gave it the old college try, but as I just kept on coming up short, I've since considered ways to change things up that might actually work for me.
I believe that if I were to approach a twenty to twenty-two year old waitress or barista or some such nowadays, I could rightly classify such an overture as a fear of rejection. Here's why: If I approached such a type nowadays, and she shot me down as usual, I could just say, "Oh, she's only twenty-one. What does she know?" Whereas, if I approached a reasonably presentable woman much closer in age to my age, and that older woman shot me down, I might tend to take such a rejection to heart and feel really insecure about it, because I would see her as having been around more and seen more of life and as having a more valid judgement of my actual worth and viability as a partner. What might make such a rejection sting even more is if we had some things in common such as taste in music, comics or whatever.
Another reason a move towards a much younger woman, particularly one of these women I see on a regular basis, would reveal a fear of rejection on my part stems from the idea I'm too scared to move on. In other words, much in the same way I would obsessively ask an individual woman out over and over and over again in my twenties, approaching these young waitress and barista types nowadays might just mean that I'm too afraid of experiencing loneliness and being alone in the face of trying to approach some other type of woman in some other type of environment. So, one might call that a fear of the unknown, or, to put it another way, something about "the devil you know" vs. whatever unknown things lie in wait out there.
There, I said it. I often wonder how much of an "audience" I have amongst these very young, attractive women in my world, and I often fantasize about cashing in on such attention. I don't have any issues with going out with a much younger, adult woman in theory, it's just that I have a problem with the idea of approaching a much younger, adult woman in the actual world I inhabit. I'm juuust now beginning to introduce myself to some of the women I've seen at clubs when I go to see friends' bands and whatnot, and no, they aren't twenty-two year old waitresses or baristas.
In a related topic, I'm thinking about patronizing a certain business at a certain time of day again. Yes, I'm talking about the business where a young, very attractive woman works, still, I guess, but that I decided to kind of cede to her and not go there at her usual hours. I never felt as If I did anything wrong by her, so there's that. Also, I think I can go there and not get all hung up on the admiring-her-from-a-distance deal. If I do find myself getting back into that same old shitty deal, I will just bail again. It's just that I feel a bit inconvenienced when I think about continuing the current situation indefinitely.