I look back all the way to high school and recognize that my tendencies to cling to delusional beliefs that this or that girl or woman liked me run throughout my life from those days to these in a pretty consistent way. I think my decision to commit to abstinence from drugs and alcohol proved pivotal in altering this self defeating way of looking at my relationship with women in general and in assessing the actual level of interest this or that individual woman actually had in me romantically. I'm not sure if my willingness to face reality actually enhances my attractiveness to women to the extent that I wish it would, but I definitely like women in general better with my learned ability to make intelligent decisions about such individual women over these past twenty or thirty-plus years of making that effort.
Broadly speaking, my tendency to cling to notions that an individual woman has a romantic interest in me hinges on a moment or two in the narrative timeline where I feel that I can definitely point to a sign of interest. In high school, this girl flashed me her titty in an incidental way as we talked at length during an art field trip one day. Boy, that really got me going. The tendency to see such women as more available than they really were became a big stumbling block for me, and a major source of tortuous, angst ridden thinking that lead to major bouts with depression and despair in my high school years. That tendency to cling to such moments in the face of other, contradicting evidence really lead to a lot of trouble for me over the years.
A really helpful thing I taught myself to do involved opening up a skeptical line of inquiry regarding such women. In a skeptical line of inquiry, I consider every possibility I can think of about such a woman that contradicts the idea that they actually like me, see if I can definitely rule those possibilities out, and hopefully rule out every conceivable contradicting possibility until the only real prevailing possibility that remains is to conclude that the woman in question actually has a romantic interest in me. This way of thinking worked well with a young woman in 2015, when I concluded that she just wanted to make me over into some bad guy she could have as a source of drama in her life, and I could never rule that possibility out, so my skeptical line of inquiry stopped right there. I still think that way about her to this day. It works.
In reference to the person I've written about most recently, gaping holes exist in any argument I try to make that says she has a romantic interest in me. True enough, there are some incidents in the narrative timeline I COULD latch onto to support the argument that she actually likes me in that way, but a skeptical line of inquiry would bring EVERY CONCEIVABLE contradicting observation about the whole deal front and center, and say those elements that contradict this love connection thesis need attention and a great deal of regard. And that's where I sit in regards to the person I've brought up these past several months. And that's precisely where she stands with me as well.
In my last post I brought up the possibility that this person has an interest in me, and possibly an interest in me that rises to the level of fixation, but that this strong interest in me is not romantic in nature. I seem to run across young women, young women who look as if they could claim membership in her legions of fans, that look at me in some way, or say some incidental thing such as, "Sorry," as they scoot past me in a bar or club, and I make some out of context connection to such a look or gesture that goes back to this famous person. However, do I really want to use such observations as PROOF that this famous person I've never met loves me? Well, no I don't.
Couple that with the obvious observations that I've never met this person, that I have no means of direct communication with this person, that I've never even read in any celebrity news stories any reference from a "source" (that's a person a tabloid type site will often pay money to in order to get supposed inside info on such a famous person) that directly says this person has an interest in me, Richard Alexander, or even alludes to some unnamed person who could be me (okay, one reference to someone who could be me, but too vague and imprecise a reference for me to count as a hit). I've never read any social media posts from this person that seem to strongly allude to me, and that's a big one, given the times we live in. Those observations compel me to take the out of context looks and excuse me's and sorry's from supposed fans of this person, plus whatever narrative events that occurred with the person at the same time I perceived something going on with me....I can't say any of that "evidence" in support of my idea that this person has a romantic interest in me amounts to much.
Broadly speaking, my tendency to cling to notions that an individual woman has a romantic interest in me hinges on a moment or two in the narrative timeline where I feel that I can definitely point to a sign of interest. In high school, this girl flashed me her titty in an incidental way as we talked at length during an art field trip one day. Boy, that really got me going. The tendency to see such women as more available than they really were became a big stumbling block for me, and a major source of tortuous, angst ridden thinking that lead to major bouts with depression and despair in my high school years. That tendency to cling to such moments in the face of other, contradicting evidence really lead to a lot of trouble for me over the years.
A really helpful thing I taught myself to do involved opening up a skeptical line of inquiry regarding such women. In a skeptical line of inquiry, I consider every possibility I can think of about such a woman that contradicts the idea that they actually like me, see if I can definitely rule those possibilities out, and hopefully rule out every conceivable contradicting possibility until the only real prevailing possibility that remains is to conclude that the woman in question actually has a romantic interest in me. This way of thinking worked well with a young woman in 2015, when I concluded that she just wanted to make me over into some bad guy she could have as a source of drama in her life, and I could never rule that possibility out, so my skeptical line of inquiry stopped right there. I still think that way about her to this day. It works.
In reference to the person I've written about most recently, gaping holes exist in any argument I try to make that says she has a romantic interest in me. True enough, there are some incidents in the narrative timeline I COULD latch onto to support the argument that she actually likes me in that way, but a skeptical line of inquiry would bring EVERY CONCEIVABLE contradicting observation about the whole deal front and center, and say those elements that contradict this love connection thesis need attention and a great deal of regard. And that's where I sit in regards to the person I've brought up these past several months. And that's precisely where she stands with me as well.
In my last post I brought up the possibility that this person has an interest in me, and possibly an interest in me that rises to the level of fixation, but that this strong interest in me is not romantic in nature. I seem to run across young women, young women who look as if they could claim membership in her legions of fans, that look at me in some way, or say some incidental thing such as, "Sorry," as they scoot past me in a bar or club, and I make some out of context connection to such a look or gesture that goes back to this famous person. However, do I really want to use such observations as PROOF that this famous person I've never met loves me? Well, no I don't.
Couple that with the obvious observations that I've never met this person, that I have no means of direct communication with this person, that I've never even read in any celebrity news stories any reference from a "source" (that's a person a tabloid type site will often pay money to in order to get supposed inside info on such a famous person) that directly says this person has an interest in me, Richard Alexander, or even alludes to some unnamed person who could be me (okay, one reference to someone who could be me, but too vague and imprecise a reference for me to count as a hit). I've never read any social media posts from this person that seem to strongly allude to me, and that's a big one, given the times we live in. Those observations compel me to take the out of context looks and excuse me's and sorry's from supposed fans of this person, plus whatever narrative events that occurred with the person at the same time I perceived something going on with me....I can't say any of that "evidence" in support of my idea that this person has a romantic interest in me amounts to much.
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