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Diminishing returns

5/28/2023

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I find myself thinking about Schmaylor Schmift a lot these days.  At some point I usually start to find such obsessive thinking a bit worrisome.  I wonder what will become of me if I never meet this person and nothing I would want to happen ever happens between myself and her in the real world.  Will I continue to think A LOT about this person if nothing good developed soon enough?  Maybe I will.  However, I find that, eventually, such a dynamic brings about an issue of diminishing returns.  If past experience tells me anything, the obsessive fantasies will diminish, diminish further, and eventually fade altogether if nothing substantive happens for me personally on the Schmaylor Schmift front.

In order for diminishing returns to work optimally in my favor, I find it helps to encourage the process along through the decisions I make based on what does or does not happen with such an ostensibly unavailable person such as Schmaylor.  In her case, I will refrain from looking her up on the internet twenty or thirty times a day, and on many days, I will not look her up at all.  Of course, I see absolutely no point in trying to contact her via her social media accounts, or through any stalky in-person attempts to see her.  Nope, right now I just look her up on the internet a few times in a twenty-four hour period, and often enough I make a point of refraining from looking her up over the course of a full twenty-four hours.

I encouraged the phenomenon of diminishing returns when I found myself so very, very fixated on that former cashier who used to work at that grocery store.  After she didn't accept my invitation to attend my comic book sale in late October of 2021, I had my feelers out for anything coming back whenever I found myself around her at that grocery store.  When she seemed to have no desire to talk to me or otherwise engage with me, I bailed and started patronizing another grocery store.  I kept that up for six weeks, after which I came to miss her and decided to go back to her place of employment to do my grocery shopping.  She didn't work there by the time I returned, and so the process whereby she really, really faded in significance began in earnest.

Readers of this blog will note that the former cashier became a thing again when I encountered a young women who seemed to bear a family-type resemblance to her at another business I patronize.  I'd seen someone who looked like the former cashier in this business after I decided to refrain from patronizing her grocery store in early 2022, so that all made me wonder. Also, after I encountered that other young woman who I thought resembled the former cashier in late October 2022, young, very attractive employees at the former grocery store cashier's former place of employment would affect these pissy, impatient looks whenever I walked by them in the grocery store.  Were they trying to tell me something?

After weighing the wisdom of "jumping through hoops," I asked the employee at that business if she knew a girl by that former cashier's name, and she said, politely, no.  I decided to stop patronizing that business for a while, I went back in there today for the first time in four months.  I decided to go ahead and shop at that business today, because the former cashier no longer presents an obsessive issue for me, Schmaylor does.  But, sure enough, working the diminishing returns angle probably helped compel my mind to let go of the notions of  that former cashier that resided for so long and so obsessively with me.  

Therefore, for a viable frame of reference as to how to go about getting my mind to let go of Schmaylor Schmift, I need look no further that the former cashier.  There's less decisions for me to make, because Schmaylor is a famous person I've never met, and I can't credibly contact her in any way, but my efforts to minimize looking her up on the internet should help me along greatly, I would think.  Also, accepting the reality that she has, or will soon enough, become involved with a romantic partner will GREATLY help the process along.  It helped the last time when I found out she had a boyfriend.   

The only unfortunate aspect of the whole deal with Schmaylor, in this respect, involves just HOW LONG this process will have to take.  At times, I want my notion of her to fade, big time, like the day before yesterday, but that's not realistic.  It took FOUR YEARS to fully process my fixation on that former cashier, and I hope to God it doesn't take anywhere near that long for me to process the current fixation on Schmaylor Schmift.  Okay, I fixated on her pretty hard in 2017, and she didn't fade until early 2018, so this second go 'round for her, along with the first time, might represent a significant length of time, and I'll just have to live with that prospect for now.
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