I looked at my last post and realized, that once again, I mentioned that former cashier and love addiction in the same paragraph. I think that sums up all I have to say about how I think about that former cashier these days. I think all men, for sure men, and maybe quite a few women as well, who have a tendency to fixate on unavailable people would do well to have some of the experiences I started having with these unavailable women, which for me began in earnest with Sara in 1988.
The experience I talk about involves identifying a problematic dynamic and situation with a Sara or a grocery store cashier and taking steps to cut that person loose in the most proactive, "stitch in time saves nine," fashion as one can possibly achieve. The desired outcome of such a course of action involves accepting an outcome where I, the fixated party, can accept an outcome where we, that being myself and the object of my desire, don't become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Having such an experience at the age of twenty-three with Sara greatly affected how I dealt with fixations on unavailable women thereafter. It took me realizing at the age of forty-eight how this change affected me for the better all those preceding years for me to then fully embrace this "cut 'em loose" mindset as my conscious, deliberate, fully aware approach to how I've related to so many women since 2012.
I think a lot these days about how I bailed on the developing situation with that former cashier in January 2022, and how profoundly that decision to bail on that deal affected my fixation on her. It affected my fixation on her to such a great extent, that when I saw her again (was that really her?) a couple of times about two months ago I realized those old feelings about her just didn't exist any more. I experienced the same thing with Sara in 1992, and when I experienced the utter ABSENCE of feelings when I saw Sara again for the first time in four years, the effect of that absence of feeling actually startled me.
And so I learned a long time ago that leaving a situation and dynamic that involves a woman that I've designated as unavailable actually does profoundly affect how I view the totality of the experience from beginning, to middle, to end. "This too shall pass." That whole experience with Sara was, easily, as formative for me in my relationship with women as losing my virginity at the age of twenty-one. And unlike losing my virginity, which I see as wholly a product of its time, my experience with Sara in 1988 and thereafter counts as a well I still draw water from to this day.
The experience I talk about involves identifying a problematic dynamic and situation with a Sara or a grocery store cashier and taking steps to cut that person loose in the most proactive, "stitch in time saves nine," fashion as one can possibly achieve. The desired outcome of such a course of action involves accepting an outcome where I, the fixated party, can accept an outcome where we, that being myself and the object of my desire, don't become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Having such an experience at the age of twenty-three with Sara greatly affected how I dealt with fixations on unavailable women thereafter. It took me realizing at the age of forty-eight how this change affected me for the better all those preceding years for me to then fully embrace this "cut 'em loose" mindset as my conscious, deliberate, fully aware approach to how I've related to so many women since 2012.
I think a lot these days about how I bailed on the developing situation with that former cashier in January 2022, and how profoundly that decision to bail on that deal affected my fixation on her. It affected my fixation on her to such a great extent, that when I saw her again (was that really her?) a couple of times about two months ago I realized those old feelings about her just didn't exist any more. I experienced the same thing with Sara in 1992, and when I experienced the utter ABSENCE of feelings when I saw Sara again for the first time in four years, the effect of that absence of feeling actually startled me.
And so I learned a long time ago that leaving a situation and dynamic that involves a woman that I've designated as unavailable actually does profoundly affect how I view the totality of the experience from beginning, to middle, to end. "This too shall pass." That whole experience with Sara was, easily, as formative for me in my relationship with women as losing my virginity at the age of twenty-one. And unlike losing my virginity, which I see as wholly a product of its time, my experience with Sara in 1988 and thereafter counts as a well I still draw water from to this day.
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