I've decided to refrain from patronizing that business that the young woman I go on about at length works at during the times I've known her to work there. I want my intention to let her go to manifest itself in an explicit, material way. I've been thinking at length today about this young woman, along with the women from my past she readily reminds me of, and I've come to several conclusions. One: the decisions I typically make about women such as her typically have nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not I want to date them, have sex with them, have a relationship with them, or anything like that. The decisions I have to make about women such as her have more to do with whether I even want to approach them socially in the first place, so forget about those big decisions, they aren't even on the table at the stage where I have to make a really, really critical decision about whether or not to have anything at all to do with them in the first place. Two: the intelligent decision invariably seems to turn out to be the decision to not have anything to do with them in the first place. Three: I can like someone such as this young woman a LOT, and have absolutely no desire to try to get anything going at all with them when push comes to shove.
It seems to me that young women such as this one I go on at length about just have a desire to cultivate one-sided attention from me towards them. Well, I can absolutely adore the ground someone such as this young woman walks on and STILL, STILL, have absolutely ZERO DESIRE to bombard them with one-sided attention. Not only can I have no desire to bombard them with one-sided attention, but I've actually taught myself how to have the ability to refrain from bombarding them with one-sided attention. That makes me very happy.
In high school I fixated, hard, on one of my classmates and got myself worked up into a very, very distressed state about the whole matter. Eventually, a senior girl in one of my art classes took an interest in me, and I went chasing after her and forgot all about the other girl. BUT, my creepy, obsessive behaviors did not end. I started doing things to the senior girl such as calling her house at 2 AM and hanging up when she or someone else answered. So, the lesson I've learned from that entails the realization that there is no right person for me if I'm not right with myself.
Now, these days, these situations I've find myself in with twenty, twenty-one year old girls at the business this young woman works at don't just constitute useless appendages to my day to day life that I just wish I could cut off and be done with, not at all. A couple of months ago I talked about a young woman I call Daria who gave me her email address right before this pandemic shit hit the fan. Well, the same degree of self-restraint and self-control that I try to exhibit in how I handle these situations with these women at this one particular business-the business where this young woman I go on about works- that same degree of self-control absolutely spills over into how I relate to the Darias of this world. So, as attracted as I may be to someone such as Daria, I still have no desire to bombard them with phone calls, emails, text-messages, messages on social media, or anything else, and I can follow through on that.
Maybe these blog posts ARE the one-sided attention these young women so very much seem to covet from me. I may be old-fashioned and think that truly one-sided attention involves an effort to directly connect with someone through a personal phone call, or text, or email, or some such, so I don't worry too much about these blog posts in and of themselves compromising my best interests, or their best interests, as long as I obey the Thou Shalt Not Disrespect the Power of the Internet commandment.
It seems to me that young women such as this one I go on at length about just have a desire to cultivate one-sided attention from me towards them. Well, I can absolutely adore the ground someone such as this young woman walks on and STILL, STILL, have absolutely ZERO DESIRE to bombard them with one-sided attention. Not only can I have no desire to bombard them with one-sided attention, but I've actually taught myself how to have the ability to refrain from bombarding them with one-sided attention. That makes me very happy.
In high school I fixated, hard, on one of my classmates and got myself worked up into a very, very distressed state about the whole matter. Eventually, a senior girl in one of my art classes took an interest in me, and I went chasing after her and forgot all about the other girl. BUT, my creepy, obsessive behaviors did not end. I started doing things to the senior girl such as calling her house at 2 AM and hanging up when she or someone else answered. So, the lesson I've learned from that entails the realization that there is no right person for me if I'm not right with myself.
Now, these days, these situations I've find myself in with twenty, twenty-one year old girls at the business this young woman works at don't just constitute useless appendages to my day to day life that I just wish I could cut off and be done with, not at all. A couple of months ago I talked about a young woman I call Daria who gave me her email address right before this pandemic shit hit the fan. Well, the same degree of self-restraint and self-control that I try to exhibit in how I handle these situations with these women at this one particular business-the business where this young woman I go on about works- that same degree of self-control absolutely spills over into how I relate to the Darias of this world. So, as attracted as I may be to someone such as Daria, I still have no desire to bombard them with phone calls, emails, text-messages, messages on social media, or anything else, and I can follow through on that.
Maybe these blog posts ARE the one-sided attention these young women so very much seem to covet from me. I may be old-fashioned and think that truly one-sided attention involves an effort to directly connect with someone through a personal phone call, or text, or email, or some such, so I don't worry too much about these blog posts in and of themselves compromising my best interests, or their best interests, as long as I obey the Thou Shalt Not Disrespect the Power of the Internet commandment.
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