When it looked in the summer of 2019 that the cashier at that grocery store would likely become a thing for me to deal with, I KNOW what went on in my head at the time. I know because, when someone such as that girl becomes an issue for me, I always think the same way; that God keeps giving me plenty of chances to get someone such as her right. That's not to say that me and a girl like her will fall in love and live happily ever after, not at all. Maybe getting someone such as her right just involves intelligent decision making, and not much else.
I got the notion in my head these last three months that various women in my world tried to impress upon me that this former cashier at this grocery store now cares for me a great deal. It that's true, that's great! God still wants me to get someone such as her right, like always. If my impressions of these last few months about women in my world wanting me feel as if this girl cares for me have no basis in reality, then that's great too, because all that has to happen is for the actual reality to make itself more manifest in the coming weeks and months, and I can move on. Because, in both instances, I think I TOTALLY did what God wanted me to do in regards to her, and I have no apologies to make to ANYONE if I'm mistaken to the point of delusion about the reality of this young woman in my life. Mental illness, remember.
That's home to me; that God really, really wants me to get this type of woman right, no matter how it shakes out. Especially in regards to how things shake out that are beyond my ability to control, such as whether this person chooses to love me back or not. Never could control that, never wanted to control this young woman in such a decision, never tried to get her to love me back with any other method than persuasion. It doesn't matter. If I never see her again- I haven't seen her in over a year, remember- I still feel as if I got her right. If I do see her again, if she does want to get to know me better, then God still wants me to get her right. Nothing more, nothing less.
If she doesn't come around, maybe some other type will show up, or maybe the same type as her will show up YET AGAIN. I know what to do if another type shows up who's a lot like her, and I find myself getting deeper and deeper in, and I wind up feeling as if intelligent decision making about such a type becomes a major priority to me. If such a thing happens with a whole other person, I know how to play it.
I got the notion in my head these last three months that various women in my world tried to impress upon me that this former cashier at this grocery store now cares for me a great deal. It that's true, that's great! God still wants me to get someone such as her right, like always. If my impressions of these last few months about women in my world wanting me feel as if this girl cares for me have no basis in reality, then that's great too, because all that has to happen is for the actual reality to make itself more manifest in the coming weeks and months, and I can move on. Because, in both instances, I think I TOTALLY did what God wanted me to do in regards to her, and I have no apologies to make to ANYONE if I'm mistaken to the point of delusion about the reality of this young woman in my life. Mental illness, remember.
That's home to me; that God really, really wants me to get this type of woman right, no matter how it shakes out. Especially in regards to how things shake out that are beyond my ability to control, such as whether this person chooses to love me back or not. Never could control that, never wanted to control this young woman in such a decision, never tried to get her to love me back with any other method than persuasion. It doesn't matter. If I never see her again- I haven't seen her in over a year, remember- I still feel as if I got her right. If I do see her again, if she does want to get to know me better, then God still wants me to get her right. Nothing more, nothing less.
If she doesn't come around, maybe some other type will show up, or maybe the same type as her will show up YET AGAIN. I know what to do if another type shows up who's a lot like her, and I find myself getting deeper and deeper in, and I wind up feeling as if intelligent decision making about such a type becomes a major priority to me. If such a thing happens with a whole other person, I know how to play it.
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