Anyway, at this party, I went to get cigarettes, but I didn't know she'd leave in the meantime. I probably thought I'd just play it cool and catch her some other time if she did leave while I was gone. I probably just thought I'd see her around, but I never saw her after that. I figured that Snolly must have moved out of town sometime thereafter. Those two male managers at that restaurant, Joel and David, seemed to like me a lot after all of the blew over, but really, I probably just thought I'd catch her later.
The case of "Noelle" represents a whole other matter, though. An ex-friend of mine started having sex with Noelle very soon after he first met her in late 2008. The problem that presented involved the fact that my friend had a serious girlfriend at the time. My friend described his relationship to Noelle to me as, "Just a flirtation." I took his insistence on this statement at face value, at first. Noelle showed up with two girlfriends at my band's show at Headhunters one cold night in January, 2009. She also hung out at my house with some friends and watched me perform some of my own songs. I got the hint that some people wanted me to take an interest in Noelle.
This presented problems. I had committed to lifelong abstinence from drugs and alcohol in late December of 2008. This attempt at total abstinence caused me to have problems with my antipsychotic medication. All of a sudden my prescribed dose of medication was not powerful enough, because the alcohol I used to drink so much of apparently had a sedating effect, and now that was gone. It took me a while to figure that out on my own, and I set up an appointment to see a new psychiatrist to get a change, but that would take two more weeks, not until late January, 2009.
Meanwhile, my supposed love interest, Noelle, just wasn't adding up. I picked her up for a date at her house, and this guy was there who always seemed to be there whenever I showed up. I took her on our date, and she said that this guy was just a friend. She also said that she never had sex with my friend, either. She also said, out of the blue, "I do things I'm not supposed to do," like three times. While all this stuff with her goes down, I'm still having issues with my now inadequate dose of medication. I turn all of this confusion over in my head in the days that follow my date with Noelle. I go over to Noelle's one more time in the late afternoon to give her some food I'd bought on a trip to Llano, and there sits this guy with her. I allude to my suspicions about their relationship, and she denies my statement.
I deicide to not call her anymore, and before too long my friend gets upset about this. I blow Noelle off in late January sometime, and I consider it a done deal, because I immediately feel better about my decision and have no desire to go back to all of that confusion on top of my medication issues. I see the new psychiatrist, and eventually get my medication increased permanently after an initial experiment that involved taking an extra amount as I felt I needed it.
In late February, Early March of 2009, i go over to a bit of a party at my former friend's house, and he starts giving me shit about Noelle when his other girlfriend is out of the room. About how, "All she wanted was to be your friend, but that wasn't good enough for you." Before too long, I head to the door, and my former friend says, "Get back in here! You piece of shit!" I leave.
I stick to my guns about Noelle. In the process of telling my former friend to fuck off when he called me again, I figured that he was lying about the nature of his relationship to her, and that she lied to me about both of her boyfriends. Aye, yi, yi! Blowing Noelle off wasn't everything I wanted out of my relationship with women, but I still achieved a measure of satisfaction and gratification from doing it in a timely manner, before things went sideways with me as some sort of dupe trying to make something real happen.
I fired my therapist at the time in May of 2009. "Relationship, relationship, relationship." He sounded like a broken fucking record. I got tired of it. My goal for the longest time, since 2002, was to have a variety of dating experiences with a variety of women. One, to find out what kind of person I really wanted to go out with- to not just play exclusively to some preconceived notion of what I wanted with a relationship with such a person always on my mind- and two, to compile a history with women where I didn't get hurt. At fifty-six years old, that's still pretty much my goal. If I marry at all, it might not be until I am in my sixties. With that in mind, it's still very satisfying to blow off the Snollys, the Noelles, and the others of their ilk. It's not everything I ever wanted in my relationship with women, but I just figure that's as big a part of the dating scene as the actual dating of actual women.