Okay, I had fears that this person would meet a man or other men that she would like better than me while she is away. There's at least two reasons why this is bullshit, 1) she doesn't even really know me, and it's unlikely she even likes me, 2) she may not be single now. The idea that she was even a thing to me just probably stems from my desire to make my fantasy life become real somehow.
Like I said, she doesn't even know me, I don't know her, and the reason I don't want to invest in any anxiety about my possible fortunes and her possible fortunes as a result of my inability to be around her for a while I will cover now: If I get bummed out or anxious or anything about the realities of my separation from this person I'm crushing on, it tells me that someday, somehow, someone will come along who will totally fuck me over due to this tendency to get so incredibly bummed out and bent out of shape over the kind of thing a "normal" person would not even think twice about.
This girl I like may be a nice enough person who would never do anything "against" me of that nature, but my tendency to bum out over the realities that invariably impose upon whatever fantasy I get going about someone could very well set me up to meet a person who will appear to offer everything I would want in a girlfriend, but in the end, will seemingly make it her mission to play the role of major disappointment to me Gee, how do I know this? Why, it's almost as if I speak from experience.
If I do show up at this upcoming event, I would do so for reasons that don't suck so much as caving into my inner demons of feeling abandoned and forsaken. Maybe the weather won't be so bad. Maybe a friend or two will tell me they want to go too, and I can look forward to seeing them there. I might decide to go because I like this person's art, and I won't have the chance to see her do her art again for a while. Maybe I'll just change my mind and go because I changed my mind and decided to go.