I saw a therapist a few weeks ago about this issue, but I've decided, for a couple of different reasons, to hold off on more therapy for the next several weeks. One reason has to do with how I felt the need to prostrate my mentally ill ass before the therapist and talk about what a piece of mentally ill shit I was for thinking the thoughts I thunk in the first place about this famous woman. I just felt as if, to bring that therapist up to speed, I had to explain my personal mental illness situation and put that into the context of my thoughts about this famous, ostensibly unavailable woman whom I've never met, and how I nonetheless feel I have issues that concern me about her. The therapist brought up a care scenario that would involve a LOT more attention paid to me in a mental illness treatment setting. She talked about the hazards to me of cyberstalking this woman, etc. 'Ugh!' I'll wait a bit before I get into all of that again. No one can put the mental illness stigma on someone like their friends, family, caregivers, etc., because these are typically the people a mentally ill person relies on the most for support.
S-o-o-o, here we are again. The vibe I'm picking up in my own personal "psychoverse" says it's still, possibly, about this famous person for me. Like I said in my post of last week, I see this phenomena as God giving me PLENTY of chances to get such a person right. This particular person, as of this writing, is one of the busiest people in the arts and entertainment industry right now, and if it really is about her, and if God really wants for me to get her right, I would do well to take this business this person has going on now into consideration. Okay, I will.
If I meet some other woman I like in the foreseeable future, I would just offer her the same deal I stand prepared to offer this famous person. The deal says that we could go on dates without consummating our mutual attraction to each other until about two to four months have passed. The reason I stood willing to offer this deal to this famous woman has to do with how I felt I had to thwart her initial desires to play a malevolent role in my world, and for me to reconcile this favorable standing with her in which I now find myself, I would need at least a two to four month probationary period where we got to know each other and see if we indeed liked each other enough to take things to a more intimate place.
I would make this probationary period offer to someone else for different reasons than I make the offer to the famous woman, but the offer, should someone take it, would serve me well, I think. We could show affection for each other in the form of hugging, kissing, cuddling, that sort of thing. Plus, I could have someone who's at least accessible and I could talk to and hang out with. And I could give this famous person some more time to show themselves. If the as-of-now-nonexistent other woman didn't want to honor my request, and instead wanted to consummate things in the manner of say, 1973, i.e., right away, they could take that shit somewhere else. I'm just doing the best I can.
If some weeks or months (months Schmaylor, really? 'Aargh!') pass and this famous woman STILL hasn't shown, and things are STILL on with this as-of-now-nonexistent other woman, then I can safely assume, I think, that all of that famous woman stuff resided in my head, or I got "better deal'd" by the famous person, or some weird combination of those two factors, plus maybe some others. Like I said: I often feel as if God wants me to get someone such as Schmaylor right. What "getting her right" entails, exactly, I don't know, but, as of right now, she's back on the table.
S-o-o-o, here we are again. The vibe I'm picking up in my own personal "psychoverse" says it's still, possibly, about this famous person for me. Like I said in my post of last week, I see this phenomena as God giving me PLENTY of chances to get such a person right. This particular person, as of this writing, is one of the busiest people in the arts and entertainment industry right now, and if it really is about her, and if God really wants for me to get her right, I would do well to take this business this person has going on now into consideration. Okay, I will.
If I meet some other woman I like in the foreseeable future, I would just offer her the same deal I stand prepared to offer this famous person. The deal says that we could go on dates without consummating our mutual attraction to each other until about two to four months have passed. The reason I stood willing to offer this deal to this famous woman has to do with how I felt I had to thwart her initial desires to play a malevolent role in my world, and for me to reconcile this favorable standing with her in which I now find myself, I would need at least a two to four month probationary period where we got to know each other and see if we indeed liked each other enough to take things to a more intimate place.
I would make this probationary period offer to someone else for different reasons than I make the offer to the famous woman, but the offer, should someone take it, would serve me well, I think. We could show affection for each other in the form of hugging, kissing, cuddling, that sort of thing. Plus, I could have someone who's at least accessible and I could talk to and hang out with. And I could give this famous person some more time to show themselves. If the as-of-now-nonexistent other woman didn't want to honor my request, and instead wanted to consummate things in the manner of say, 1973, i.e., right away, they could take that shit somewhere else. I'm just doing the best I can.
If some weeks or months (months Schmaylor, really? 'Aargh!') pass and this famous woman STILL hasn't shown, and things are STILL on with this as-of-now-nonexistent other woman, then I can safely assume, I think, that all of that famous woman stuff resided in my head, or I got "better deal'd" by the famous person, or some weird combination of those two factors, plus maybe some others. Like I said: I often feel as if God wants me to get someone such as Schmaylor right. What "getting her right" entails, exactly, I don't know, but, as of right now, she's back on the table.
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