Anyhoo, we went back and forth until Oct 2014, when she finally figured out that I'd quit wearing that t-shirt in the restaurant when I figured out, in June 2012, that she didn't like it. Towards the end of this ordeal, I remember trying to make small talk with her one day, and how she shook from her core and inhaled as she tried to respond. I figured that she was so enraged at the outcomes of our skirmishes over the years that she could barely contain herself.
Yeah, a lot of times women will get quite upset when they lose at the cruel romantic love and sexual rejection games they try to play with me. I guess they consider me less of a man because of my mental illness, and to lose to me so abjectly really wounds their egos. One friend confided in me that she had a desire to harm herself after she and I had a dustup. Thank God she did no such thing. But still.
My point? Good question. I have to deal with women playing these kinds of games with me A LOT. I have LOTS AND LOTS of experience at this. To guarantee defeat at my hands to anyone out there these days who desires to try me would not be....scientific. Guaranteeing such an outcome may not be scientific, but to say that the probability that anyone out there these days will actually win at a level to their satisfaction; to say that it seems unlikely from where I sit; to say that seems reasonable.
I've gone over the reasons why I think that I have to deal with this kind of shit so frequently. I seem to be typed as the the mentally ill guy with romantically obsessive tendencies. One the one hand, that automatically makes me some kind of bad guy to a lot of women, and on the other hand, hey, goose me little and maybe some woman who so desires such a thing can maybe reap a boatload of, essentially, free male attention. So, it seems I have to deal with impulses that exist at the level of temptation to a lot of women, and thus, the (once alarming) frequency of this kind of attention that I so often find myself in the midst of.
What do I do about someone who feels bad about losing at these cruel rejection games? Well, I certainly wouldn't want such a person to hurt themselves, but I don't think I'd mind the idea of such a person feeling kind of remorseful about it, to tell the truth. Understand, I repeat, I have to deal with this A LOT. In a post from the Summer of 2017, I posited that God was giving me plenty of chances to get it right; that is to say, that these games where women represented themselves as something they were not; representing themselves as available and interested when, in fact, they were neither; well back in the day, the nineteen eighties mainly, I could retaliate in ways I now consider unacceptable- an attempt to force a sexual situation through a crude sexual proposition, for example.
As I said in my last post: the World's not running out of unavailable women anytime soon, and it seems as if it's up to me to just practice, practice, practice coming up with socially acceptable ways of dealing with this reality when I presents itself to me. Did anything like this occur recently? Maybe. This blog allows me the chance to think out loud about this kind of stuff. If no such thing has occurred, then no harm/ no foul, I suppose.