I've gone on about this issue at great length, and I don't want to rehash it too much. I'll just try to cut to the chase. The other day I got really excited that a young attractive woman in my world made a little small talk with me. This was, yes, an employee of a business I patronize, because I would probably not meet someone so young while traveling in my usual social circles.
Anyway, I thought about reaching out to this young woman somehow. I thought about inviting her to see my set at the Pocket Fishrman Fish Fry on Saturday, June 2nd, at my scheduled start time of 9:30 PM, give or take a ten or fifteen minute delay. I thought about our blossoming perfect love that I had found at last, and all of that.
Then I thought about my experiences in general with women. It has never seemed to go down as smoothly as I still fantasize about. Even with someone I would consider ideal- especially with someone I would consider ideal, in fact- there seemed to be a lot of wrangling and general bullshit that would totally burst my bubble of initial expectations.
So, I decided to take my time and not rush anything for the sake of inviting her to the Fish Fry. Then I decided that I could probably wrap this whole deal up in under two weeks, anyway. That thought in my head, that I could wrap any kind of deal with someone I had an attraction to in less than two weeks, once that thought enters my head, it's like the kiss of death, in that I can usually let the whole thing go in under two hours after that thought enters my head. And so it went with this deal. Done.
I never had any luck when I would invite these employee types to my gigs in the past. Why should I think I would have better luck this time? In the past, there were some of these employee types who would flirt with me to the moon and back when I would interact with them at their jobs, but I still would have no luck in getting them to come to my shows when I would invite them.
This young woman I'm referring to now just kind of made a little small talk, really. And there's the rub: in my adult life I would hear women complain about obsessive guys and how they would pursue them over what these women described as the most superficial of interactions. The form these complaints would take would begin with. "All I did was..." talk a little to him, say hi to him once or twice, etc.
I'm not in the mood to fling any accusations about these kinds of statements I would hear from time to time, i.e. "All I did was..." I'm only going to say that I am glad that I did not act on my impulse to reach out to this young woman. I figure now that she would have proven elusive at best, and who-knows-what at worst. And, she could have said, "All I did was...(make a little small talk a couple of times)," and I could not really argue with her statement.
I think that romantically obsessive guys are notorious for finding encouragement in the slightest little things that women they find attractive do. I've certainly been guilty of that. Boy-oh-boy is that true. From personal experience, I think that this tendency to find such encouragement stems from the despair at the prospect of never finding love, and when something such as a little flirtation or even less comes these guys' way from an attractive woman, they'll latch onto it as if they are drowning in a vast ocean and someone has just thrown them a life preserver.
I haven't been out much lately. When I do go out to clubs to see bands, I don't really pressure myself to meet women. I think I'm doing fine as I am now, in that I'm generally approaching women I find more approachable than the young employees of businesses that I had such a keen eye for when I first quit drinking and drugs in 2009.