I don't know if I'm experiencing the level of success that Dr. Burns talks about in Intimate Connections, but I do think I've collected several small morsels of attention from women in my world over the last couple of weeks. One came at a business I patronized Friday in the form of a woman who used to live next door to me for a year or two. She stopped me inside this store and reminded me of who she was, and we started talking. The whole time in my I made myself think along the lines of, "Turn your back on love. Do not ask her out."
We caught up a little, talked for a few minutes, she said that I looked good and that it was good to see me, and we went our separate ways. When I got back home I remembered that when we were neighbors, I'd invited her to a little party of mine, and I remember the night of my party seeing her in her living room watching TV. I didn't blow off asking her out at that business last Friday out of any sense of resentment over her not really showing any kind of interest in me when we lived next door to each other, I just wanted to experiment with trying the "turn my back on love" road-less- traveled path that I've been on since the Fall of 2012, and only after I got home did I reflect on our time as neighbors and remember that she kind of held me at arm's length back then.
From 2009 up to about 2012 or thereabout, I would most definitely just try to go for it as far as asking women in my world out. I asked many a twenty-something food service worker at coffee shops and restaurants out in front of God and everyone, and I just came up empty. I also asked a couple of older female employees of these types of businesses out, but I still came up empty. All I can say is that I'm at least satisfied that I gave that approach at try. If anyone has the desire to try what I'm trying now, i.e. just sort of blow off these supposed opportunities and go about one's business, I would urge that they first try to improve the situation by going for it a bit. They might have better luck than I did.
The only real change I've made in the past couple of weeks is to try to patronize these businesses a lot less than I have been. My monthly budget can't handle twelve to fifteen trips to the coffee shop or five trips to the diner per week. I've attributed this tendency to go to such places so frequently as a manifestation of my akathisia. Akathisia is a common side effect of many antipsychotic medications including, apparently, the one I'm on. Akathisia is a desire for movement, such as my frequent desires to get in my car and drive to the grocery store or the coffee shop. Since I've regarded this urge to patronize these businesses primarily as a manifestation of this side effect of my antipsychotic medication, rather than a manifestation of some desperate need for female attention or companionship, I've been able to manage this tendency to get in my car and drive to these various places a lot better.
I don't know if this ability to control this urge has resulted in a slight, slight uptick in the attention from women in my world-in the case of the former next door neighbor not at all- but I will, as usual, monitor the situation. Whether I report any more findings on this blog remains to be seen.