In my last post I talked about how I mention that time with Sara in 1988 and one of the main reasons I bring it up so much. I came across much more sympathetically in my dealings with Sara than I did in every previous incarnation of that particular situation. I guess I really gave those people who observed the unfolding situation the impression that I no longer had the willingness to settle for business as usual, but rather that my stance reflected an attempt to face the realities of Sara and the realities of the dynamic between us. My willingness to let the whole deal with Sara go at any time seemed to emotionally prepare me for the actual realities of that situation. Mind you, when I cut her loose that following Summer, I still didn't even know her name, much less the ambiguities surrounding her actual sexual orientation coupled with her, I'm guessing, lack of sexual experience at the time. The whole deal just seemed to stink, so I cut her loose.
My whole, "What if I turn my back on love?," experiment represented an adaptation to three things: 1) My tendency to fall in love with the wrong person, and 2) What I think about this tendency, and 3) What I do about it when it happens yet again. I still can't seem to help myself as to the types of women I still readily fall for, but the experiment I first tried in the Spring of 1988 allows me to forgive myself when it does happen, and to make the correct, intelligent decisions moving forward.
I don't believe I've ever sabotaged a deal with any of the young women on my docket since I decided to revive the experiment in 2012. I think of the crude sexual proposition I made to Wanda in1987 as a sabotage move. I never did anything like that to Sara, and I never did anything like that to that virgin girl in 2014/15 or anyone like her ever since. I think I allowed for things to develop, should that virgin girl or anyone like her had come from a better place than they did, but since they did not come from a good place in regards to their intentions with me, nothing noteworthy ever developed.
My whole, "What if I turn my back on love?," experiment represented an adaptation to three things: 1) My tendency to fall in love with the wrong person, and 2) What I think about this tendency, and 3) What I do about it when it happens yet again. I still can't seem to help myself as to the types of women I still readily fall for, but the experiment I first tried in the Spring of 1988 allows me to forgive myself when it does happen, and to make the correct, intelligent decisions moving forward.
I don't believe I've ever sabotaged a deal with any of the young women on my docket since I decided to revive the experiment in 2012. I think of the crude sexual proposition I made to Wanda in1987 as a sabotage move. I never did anything like that to Sara, and I never did anything like that to that virgin girl in 2014/15 or anyone like her ever since. I think I allowed for things to develop, should that virgin girl or anyone like her had come from a better place than they did, but since they did not come from a good place in regards to their intentions with me, nothing noteworthy ever developed.
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