God, did I just use that as a title? I think I read an article in the New York Times that said that highly effective, analytical thinkers will actually,'gasp,' think negative thoughts a good deal of the time. I guess what I mean by accentuating the positive is to dwell on the things that are going well for me, and those things tend to be things that I am able to do something about. I've been talking about the grandiose, save-the-world type stuff that really can overwhelm me, but the stuff I'm actually able to do something about I'm very happy about the direction that I've taken and the decisions that I've made.
In 2012 I decided that my campaign to improve my relationship with women had played out as far as all the stuff I'd been trying up to that point. I decided that I would try going the other way and see how that went. In 1988, when I was really up against it in a class with a female classmate that I didn't want to know about, I decided to turn my back on love. As I kept striking out in my pursuit of women in the modern era, that approach seemed to, in more and more ways, make a lot of sense. These young women at these businesses that I would approach for dating and friendship possibilities seemed to throw up the same types of defenses that I saw so much of in my younger days. I remember that when I tried the turn my back on love approach back in 1988, people in that class seemed to find me so much easier to relate to and sympathize with and that, disagreeable and surly though I might have been, it seemed like a far better way to go than to come across as if I was always on the make.
I wondered in 2012 whether this turn my back on love approach was a product of its time, or something that I could try again. In 2013 I tried to do temp work for a printing company that a friend owned. They had this SMOKIN' HOT Latina receptionist whose very presence in my world seemed to bring on a bit of a personal crisis. After what seemed like all day and night and the next day of wondering what to do about this situation, I said to myself, "Okay, how would the turn your back on love approach manifest itself in March 2013 in regards to this woman?" Then it came to me, loud and clear, "Who says, just because she is the best looking woman in my current environment, that it has to be ABOUT her? I mean, did someone pass some sort of law saying that I, Richard Alexander, am obliged to make it all about her?" I may think about her, even in an obsessive way, but the decision to make it all about her just because she hits that nerve is still a decision, and I could decide this one time to say no to all of that.
I decided that the decision to confer love interest status on someone based solely on how good they look was something that I just didn't want to do anymore. If I ever want someone to be a love interest in my life ever again, there has to be more to it than just that. I never did any more temp work for that company after I thought those oh-so-brilliant thoughts about that receptionist, but my decision to not call my friend any more after a couple of weeks of no luck in that department, and the decision to do temp work for another company instead, was definitely a direct result of putting myself in this place about her. I still depended on him and his company to give me a real sweet deal on printing up my comic books, and I didn't want to jeopardize that relationship in some failed effort to get with that receptionist.
I have a number of female Facebook friends that I had a romantic interest in at one time or another. From time to time I get the urge to unfriend them because I seem to still have issues with some of them. I don't do that because it's an issue of, if I'm going to unfriend all of my female Facebook friends that I have those kinds of issues with, it would be like the St. Valentine's Day Massacre of Facebook unfriending. I would just have female relatives and the current-and-ex-wives and girlfriends of male friends as Facebook friends.
A few months ago I saw a couple of posts from one of these women I once had an interest in that bring home a good reason to not unfriend these kind of women in some fit of pique. She posted something about how she was down because she didn't think there were any more good men in the world. Her previous posts would show her with some real handsome guy, so that must have just run its course. Okay, so she posts something that indicates that she's somewhat despondent about how there's no more good men, right? So maybe three weeks after that post she posts pictures of her brand-spanking-new boyfriend! He looks about as good as the last one, so no real difference between the two in that one particular department.
It just showed me how the other half lives. It's not just good looking women I'm talking about; I know guys who get to trade old wives and girlfriends out for the supposed best friends of these wives and girlfriends when the new one stabs her best friend in the back and climbs over the corpse of her BFF to get with her new guy.
That kind of stuff really makes me think twice, or three or four times, before I decide to confer love interest status on any of these women in my world. I guess that I used to think along the lines of, "Well, that must be how everyone does it," and that's just not true. I see no point in carrying a torch for someone over any protracted length of time when, really, I could see being Facebook friends with any of them and see this three or four week turn around in boyfriends from any of them.
In 2012 I decided that my campaign to improve my relationship with women had played out as far as all the stuff I'd been trying up to that point. I decided that I would try going the other way and see how that went. In 1988, when I was really up against it in a class with a female classmate that I didn't want to know about, I decided to turn my back on love. As I kept striking out in my pursuit of women in the modern era, that approach seemed to, in more and more ways, make a lot of sense. These young women at these businesses that I would approach for dating and friendship possibilities seemed to throw up the same types of defenses that I saw so much of in my younger days. I remember that when I tried the turn my back on love approach back in 1988, people in that class seemed to find me so much easier to relate to and sympathize with and that, disagreeable and surly though I might have been, it seemed like a far better way to go than to come across as if I was always on the make.
I wondered in 2012 whether this turn my back on love approach was a product of its time, or something that I could try again. In 2013 I tried to do temp work for a printing company that a friend owned. They had this SMOKIN' HOT Latina receptionist whose very presence in my world seemed to bring on a bit of a personal crisis. After what seemed like all day and night and the next day of wondering what to do about this situation, I said to myself, "Okay, how would the turn your back on love approach manifest itself in March 2013 in regards to this woman?" Then it came to me, loud and clear, "Who says, just because she is the best looking woman in my current environment, that it has to be ABOUT her? I mean, did someone pass some sort of law saying that I, Richard Alexander, am obliged to make it all about her?" I may think about her, even in an obsessive way, but the decision to make it all about her just because she hits that nerve is still a decision, and I could decide this one time to say no to all of that.
I decided that the decision to confer love interest status on someone based solely on how good they look was something that I just didn't want to do anymore. If I ever want someone to be a love interest in my life ever again, there has to be more to it than just that. I never did any more temp work for that company after I thought those oh-so-brilliant thoughts about that receptionist, but my decision to not call my friend any more after a couple of weeks of no luck in that department, and the decision to do temp work for another company instead, was definitely a direct result of putting myself in this place about her. I still depended on him and his company to give me a real sweet deal on printing up my comic books, and I didn't want to jeopardize that relationship in some failed effort to get with that receptionist.
I have a number of female Facebook friends that I had a romantic interest in at one time or another. From time to time I get the urge to unfriend them because I seem to still have issues with some of them. I don't do that because it's an issue of, if I'm going to unfriend all of my female Facebook friends that I have those kinds of issues with, it would be like the St. Valentine's Day Massacre of Facebook unfriending. I would just have female relatives and the current-and-ex-wives and girlfriends of male friends as Facebook friends.
A few months ago I saw a couple of posts from one of these women I once had an interest in that bring home a good reason to not unfriend these kind of women in some fit of pique. She posted something about how she was down because she didn't think there were any more good men in the world. Her previous posts would show her with some real handsome guy, so that must have just run its course. Okay, so she posts something that indicates that she's somewhat despondent about how there's no more good men, right? So maybe three weeks after that post she posts pictures of her brand-spanking-new boyfriend! He looks about as good as the last one, so no real difference between the two in that one particular department.
It just showed me how the other half lives. It's not just good looking women I'm talking about; I know guys who get to trade old wives and girlfriends out for the supposed best friends of these wives and girlfriends when the new one stabs her best friend in the back and climbs over the corpse of her BFF to get with her new guy.
That kind of stuff really makes me think twice, or three or four times, before I decide to confer love interest status on any of these women in my world. I guess that I used to think along the lines of, "Well, that must be how everyone does it," and that's just not true. I see no point in carrying a torch for someone over any protracted length of time when, really, I could see being Facebook friends with any of them and see this three or four week turn around in boyfriends from any of them.
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