Those therapists I would go to for years and years always talked about relationship this and relationship that. They would assume that because I was single and talked about wanting to date women that I wanted to be in a relationship. I decided in early 2002 that I was not interested in a relationship. Instead, I decided that I wanted to have a variety of dating experiences with a variety of women. I would say something to that effect to therapists thereafter, and it just went in one ear and out the other.
The reason I wanted a variety of dating experiences with a variety of women is, 1) I wanted to compile a history with women where I didn't get hurt and, 2) I wanted to compile a viable frame of reference. These two desires go hand in hand. A history of dating women where I didn't get hurt, for the most part, allows me to make intelligent decisions about women moving forward, because I have a viable frame of reference to draw upon.
Nowadays, at fifty-five, I see a lot of very attractive young women at these businesses I patronize, and I now have a history with these types where I don't approach them anymore for social reasons. That's part of a viable frame of reference too. I've just decided that the world contains a boatload of women who would just prove inappropriate for love interests or women that I would approach for the purposes of friendship, and these young women I see on a day to day basis at these businesses I patronize belong firmly in that camp. So, refraining from approaching certain individual women and certain types of women plays into compiling a viable frame of reference for me as well.
Another element that plays into compiling a viable frame of reference has to do with deciding which types of women I will reject. In my fairly recent past, I've not only rejected women I'm not really attracted to physically, but I've also rejected some women who had drug and/or alcohol problems that trumped any physical attraction I did have towards them. I've said before that three things play into my decision to go on at least one date with a woman: available, interested, acts like she gives a shit about taking care of herself. Woman who are reasonably attractive, but can't manage that last one about taking care of themselves are types I've rejected in the not too distant past.
Last night I decided another category of women that I can reject is mean girls. Mean girls are typically really young, really attractive, but just fucking mean. They often get my attention through some effort they put forth to try and rope me into some cruel rejection game. I'm sorry, but enough is enough. Now, with mean girls, they typically aren't the types that just throw themselves at me, so I end up rejecting the situations I find myself in with them, rather than the person themselves. Maybe one day a really mean girl will throw herself at me for real, and I can see what I do now about these situations as practice for that day.
I'll elaborate further on how things shake out with mean girl types these days. They try to bust some cruel rejection move, and I've gotten to the point where I don't get hurt by that. Afterwards, I often ask myself if I should forgive this person and allow this person in my life somehow. Like I said, mean girl types never really throw themselves at me, so it's usually up to me to indicate that I've forgiven them by somehow approaching them for social reasons. I talked often about how such gestures by me do not constitute genuine forgiveness, but rather manipulative nice-guy bullshit. The only reason I seek to "forgive" these women in the aftermath of thwarting their cruel bullshit games comes from a desire to get something material in return for my "forgiveness." I hope to get love, maybe some sex, companionship, like a girlfriend, general acceptance by them and others etc. I've never gotten those kinds of things to my satisfaction when I attempted to forgive mean women in the past, and what actually happened, sometimes, wasn't great at all.
I'm willing to go on a date or dates with non-goddess types, especially if they have no history of trying to visit mean behavior on me. Hell, I'm totally willing to go on dates with goddess types of they have no history of meanness towards me as well, but that opportunity doesn't seem to come up much. So, as of right now, I'd prefer to go out with a more "ordinary" type over a mean girl.
The reason I wanted a variety of dating experiences with a variety of women is, 1) I wanted to compile a history with women where I didn't get hurt and, 2) I wanted to compile a viable frame of reference. These two desires go hand in hand. A history of dating women where I didn't get hurt, for the most part, allows me to make intelligent decisions about women moving forward, because I have a viable frame of reference to draw upon.
Nowadays, at fifty-five, I see a lot of very attractive young women at these businesses I patronize, and I now have a history with these types where I don't approach them anymore for social reasons. That's part of a viable frame of reference too. I've just decided that the world contains a boatload of women who would just prove inappropriate for love interests or women that I would approach for the purposes of friendship, and these young women I see on a day to day basis at these businesses I patronize belong firmly in that camp. So, refraining from approaching certain individual women and certain types of women plays into compiling a viable frame of reference for me as well.
Another element that plays into compiling a viable frame of reference has to do with deciding which types of women I will reject. In my fairly recent past, I've not only rejected women I'm not really attracted to physically, but I've also rejected some women who had drug and/or alcohol problems that trumped any physical attraction I did have towards them. I've said before that three things play into my decision to go on at least one date with a woman: available, interested, acts like she gives a shit about taking care of herself. Woman who are reasonably attractive, but can't manage that last one about taking care of themselves are types I've rejected in the not too distant past.
Last night I decided another category of women that I can reject is mean girls. Mean girls are typically really young, really attractive, but just fucking mean. They often get my attention through some effort they put forth to try and rope me into some cruel rejection game. I'm sorry, but enough is enough. Now, with mean girls, they typically aren't the types that just throw themselves at me, so I end up rejecting the situations I find myself in with them, rather than the person themselves. Maybe one day a really mean girl will throw herself at me for real, and I can see what I do now about these situations as practice for that day.
I'll elaborate further on how things shake out with mean girl types these days. They try to bust some cruel rejection move, and I've gotten to the point where I don't get hurt by that. Afterwards, I often ask myself if I should forgive this person and allow this person in my life somehow. Like I said, mean girl types never really throw themselves at me, so it's usually up to me to indicate that I've forgiven them by somehow approaching them for social reasons. I talked often about how such gestures by me do not constitute genuine forgiveness, but rather manipulative nice-guy bullshit. The only reason I seek to "forgive" these women in the aftermath of thwarting their cruel bullshit games comes from a desire to get something material in return for my "forgiveness." I hope to get love, maybe some sex, companionship, like a girlfriend, general acceptance by them and others etc. I've never gotten those kinds of things to my satisfaction when I attempted to forgive mean women in the past, and what actually happened, sometimes, wasn't great at all.
I'm willing to go on a date or dates with non-goddess types, especially if they have no history of trying to visit mean behavior on me. Hell, I'm totally willing to go on dates with goddess types of they have no history of meanness towards me as well, but that opportunity doesn't seem to come up much. So, as of right now, I'd prefer to go out with a more "ordinary" type over a mean girl.
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