A persistant problem
In October 2001 I figured out that one of my biggest problems was loneliness. Based on this revelation in large part, I've given up smoking, drinking, drugs, and the pursuit of unavailable women. It's surprises me that even working late into the night on my memoirs, as painful as they are to get out, can go a long way in addressing a problem that's so hard to deal with. Loneliness is so persistent and recalcitrant, obstinate a problem, and some of the solutions that seem like they might help, like reaching out to attractive women in my environment, don't seem to do much good in solving the problem. Methods I have more control over, like staying busy with art and music or exercising, seem to be the most reliable methods of dealing with this issue. Methods such as this typically involve me being by myself, so I spend quite a lot of time away from others, but that doesn't seem to matter.
I've come a long way in coming up with more constructive ways with dealing with the problem of loneliness. I think some of my most challenging projects, like handing out flyers on Red River and playing my songs in front of people, involve a level of rejection that's hard to get used to.
Where am i going with this train of thoughts? It's all about managing avocations that, while rewarding, don't seem to have any easy answers as to how to achieve things like a bigger audience or more market affirmation.
A more realistic goal for my art and music that doesn't rely so much on material success involves the idea of dialogue. For example: for a lot of my songs on my new record, songs by artists such as Neil Young or Johnny Horton come to mind. I copped some chord progressions from a Johnny Horton song for one of my songs. A lot of my songs come from listening to Johnny Cash as well. In a sense, I'm in a dialogue with these artists in the way I allow them to influence my work. The best part of making dialogue a goal and a priority is that it doesn't have to rely on material success for me to consider what I've done a viable thing.
Dialogue with other art and artists might tie in with my pursuit of more constructive ways to deal with loneliness. The idea of art making as an inherently redemptive activity has been questioned by Robert Hughes, among others. There are plenty of examples of people who didn't seem to be saved by what they did creatively, but for me personally, I do art and music because I don't have much else better to do with myself. This has been especially true since I gave up drinking and drugs, but I get the point that art done constructively doesn't always ma
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