I wanted to talk a little about the love addicted/ love avoidant dynamic that I saw in some videos online. Yeah, I could go on at length about that, but it bores me, so I'll try to be brief. I just have to say that every time I've been intimate with a woman, they were not playing the love avoidant role to my love addicted role. One video I saw talks about how such a dynamic can really work on some fucked up level for some people for a period of time before it all goes to shit. The therapist seems to only talk about the instance where the love addicted party is a woman and the love avoidant party is a man.
Every time I've been caught up in that dynamic as the love addicted person pursuing the love avoidant person, there was never any intimacy or relationship or anything like that to it. I've had quite a few breakdowns in that dynamic. It never really worked for me on any level, unless one talks about the initial meeting of such a person and myself. That initial spark could really hook me for a ride, for sure.
One time, Thanksgiving 1991, Jenna and my roommate Davey enjoyed a dinner that I had won at my housecleaning job. I returned from my family dinner to see them finishing up the meal at Davey and I's house. Jenna asked if I would be interested in riding a cheap bus to New York during Spring Break.
I went to bed thinking things were getting good with me and Jenna. I felt as if things were going along in the right direction and that WE WERE GOING TO GET CLOSER VERY SOON. The next Saturday my friends had a party at their house on Duval. I went to the store to get some beer for myself, and returned to the party. I walked into the kitchen and saw Jenna talking to some guy I didn't know. My heart sank a little. Sometime later I sat across from Jenna as she talked to this guy and exchanged phone numbers with him. She looked and me and gave me a snarly grimace and said, "Rich," to herself. I sat there, helpless, panicking, as it felt as if my heart sprang a leak that I tried to plug up with rapid beer consumption. I then attempted to compete for Jenna's affections, and we were off to the races.
The above two paragraphs serve as a CLASSIC example of the love addicted/ love avoidant dynamic. It's hard to come back from that kind of behavior from a love avoidant, with myself as the love addicted party, and have something I could really go with. So, no, I haven't had much intimate relations with women, thank you. I mean that is CLASSIC, and I have many examples in my personal history of just that kind of thing going on. Last Fall I wrote in this space about a young woman at a business who was very rude to me in an out of the blue way. A couple of weeks before she sprang that shit on me, she'd given me this million dollar smile one morning as I left her place of employment. That time I wrote about in several posts, starting in late October, would represent the second to last time that has happened recently. That is all.