I said some weeks ago that my decision to adopt a more forgiving stance with those whom I suspected of being against me in some way was not just some decision I made one time. I don't feel as if I can just make such a decision once and just move on and forget about all of that. I think a decision to adopt a more forgiving stance towards those I perceived as against me somehow requires a daily effort to maintain and take care of such a decision.
It occurs to me to adopt a more forgiving stance when I sit at home by myself and think about all I figure went down these past however many years. That would include the alleged web presence that I did not consent to, and all of the ways that people, mainly women, were shitty to me for all of that time. I'm not even sure that's all over with. However, I like to sit in my own home and feel at peace with myself as much as i can, and that's a big reason for me to adopt a more forgiving stance towards those I feel wronged me with their attitudes and behaviors towards me. I don't want to sit at home by myself cooking up all of the scenarios in my head where I could act in a nasty, hostile, abrasive, and caustic manner towards such people.
Furthermore, I believe the impulse to have a desire to behave in a nasty manner towards such people comes from the belief that I am SUPPOSED to be nasty towards such people, given the circumstances and how things shook out. But you know what/? I'm the person in my world who has these experiences on a regular basis, not any of my friends, family, or anyone else I know, so if I decide I'm not going to be nasty about it this time, that should be my prerogative.
Now, these women I encounter when I go out to see bands and whatnot. These women I suspect as ones who were "in on" this conspiracy against me. I don't necessarily have to feel obliged to try to put myself out there to get with them, but I don't have to be nasty towards them either. Putting myself out there to get with such women involves a whole other level of interaction that I don't even have to get into to just be, for the most part, civil to them.
In conclusion, my more forgiving stance comes from a desire to refrain from sitting around stewing in my own juices over the alleged internet presence, Schmaylor Schmift, the fact that not one of these women ever seemed to try and look into these allegations I found myself fighting by just, you know, ASKING to hear my side of the story, and all of that shit. It's an effort not unlike quitting smoking cigarettes, in that I have to maintain a strong commitment to it over time.
It occurs to me to adopt a more forgiving stance when I sit at home by myself and think about all I figure went down these past however many years. That would include the alleged web presence that I did not consent to, and all of the ways that people, mainly women, were shitty to me for all of that time. I'm not even sure that's all over with. However, I like to sit in my own home and feel at peace with myself as much as i can, and that's a big reason for me to adopt a more forgiving stance towards those I feel wronged me with their attitudes and behaviors towards me. I don't want to sit at home by myself cooking up all of the scenarios in my head where I could act in a nasty, hostile, abrasive, and caustic manner towards such people.
Furthermore, I believe the impulse to have a desire to behave in a nasty manner towards such people comes from the belief that I am SUPPOSED to be nasty towards such people, given the circumstances and how things shook out. But you know what/? I'm the person in my world who has these experiences on a regular basis, not any of my friends, family, or anyone else I know, so if I decide I'm not going to be nasty about it this time, that should be my prerogative.
Now, these women I encounter when I go out to see bands and whatnot. These women I suspect as ones who were "in on" this conspiracy against me. I don't necessarily have to feel obliged to try to put myself out there to get with them, but I don't have to be nasty towards them either. Putting myself out there to get with such women involves a whole other level of interaction that I don't even have to get into to just be, for the most part, civil to them.
In conclusion, my more forgiving stance comes from a desire to refrain from sitting around stewing in my own juices over the alleged internet presence, Schmaylor Schmift, the fact that not one of these women ever seemed to try and look into these allegations I found myself fighting by just, you know, ASKING to hear my side of the story, and all of that shit. It's an effort not unlike quitting smoking cigarettes, in that I have to maintain a strong commitment to it over time.
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