I may have hit a nerve when I blogged last week about feeling "creeped out" by certain now-contrite women who may want to talk to me and get to know me some. I don't know if my guess rings true, but I will hold off on going too much further into that particular territory. What I will touch upon, however, has everything to do with "going there" in what I have to say about all that may or may not have transpired in these past several weeks or so.
When I saw a therapist in 1986, I remember now expressing a desire to somehow learn how to separate myself mentally and emotionally from those around me, especially women I found attractive and wanted to know better. The course of the therapy did not go in that direction at all. Remember, my mental illness remained undiagnosed at the time I saw this therapist, so I don't know how fair any condemnation of his competency would prove. I now realize this lack of ability to separate myself mentally and emotionally from those around me stood as a core component of my mental health problems back then. The therapist didn't have that diagnosis to work with, and perhaps to blame him would prove pointless.
I didn't start to have the ability to separate myself mentally and emotionally from women I desired, or in this case, a woman I desired, until I had to deal with Sara in the spring of 1988. At that time I gave a close reading to Dr, David Burns' Feeling Good, and decided to try to experiment with "turning my back on love." My willingness to let my supposed opportunities to get with Sara slip through my fingers allowed me to also separate myself from her mentally and emotionally. For the first time in my dating world life, I could tell where I left off and the object of my desire began. I could see, in the midst of a dustup with her, that everything was not my fault for the first time in my dating life.
I found this revelation very important back then, and I find it very important to this day. That's why I count my experiences with Sara as a well I still draw water from to this day. The business of losing my virginity in 1985 now strikes me as a random, hit or miss affair, not unlike my numbers finally coming up in some lottery. That's why I count most of the experiences surrounding that event in my life as more a product of their time.
For now, I'll try to hold off on going into why I think it is okay for me to feel "creeped out" by individual women or groups of women. I have my guesses as to why some women, and maybe some men, may find such a stance off-putting, but I will hold off on talking about that. I want to observe more the goings on in my world before I raise and lower the gavel on that issue.
When I saw a therapist in 1986, I remember now expressing a desire to somehow learn how to separate myself mentally and emotionally from those around me, especially women I found attractive and wanted to know better. The course of the therapy did not go in that direction at all. Remember, my mental illness remained undiagnosed at the time I saw this therapist, so I don't know how fair any condemnation of his competency would prove. I now realize this lack of ability to separate myself mentally and emotionally from those around me stood as a core component of my mental health problems back then. The therapist didn't have that diagnosis to work with, and perhaps to blame him would prove pointless.
I didn't start to have the ability to separate myself mentally and emotionally from women I desired, or in this case, a woman I desired, until I had to deal with Sara in the spring of 1988. At that time I gave a close reading to Dr, David Burns' Feeling Good, and decided to try to experiment with "turning my back on love." My willingness to let my supposed opportunities to get with Sara slip through my fingers allowed me to also separate myself from her mentally and emotionally. For the first time in my dating world life, I could tell where I left off and the object of my desire began. I could see, in the midst of a dustup with her, that everything was not my fault for the first time in my dating life.
I found this revelation very important back then, and I find it very important to this day. That's why I count my experiences with Sara as a well I still draw water from to this day. The business of losing my virginity in 1985 now strikes me as a random, hit or miss affair, not unlike my numbers finally coming up in some lottery. That's why I count most of the experiences surrounding that event in my life as more a product of their time.
For now, I'll try to hold off on going into why I think it is okay for me to feel "creeped out" by individual women or groups of women. I have my guesses as to why some women, and maybe some men, may find such a stance off-putting, but I will hold off on talking about that. I want to observe more the goings on in my world before I raise and lower the gavel on that issue.
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