A couple of posts ago I vowed to refrain from retaliating against those I've considered myself pitted against these past however many years in a conflict I definitely did not choose, initiate, or really wish to engage in. Did my last post declaring that I'd managed to kick Schmaylor Schmift to the curb constitute retaliation? Remember, a couple of posts ago I also vowed to really try to refrain from "micro-retaliations" in addition to making an effort to refrain from really anger-fueled, vindictive behavior. I defined micro-retaliations as snarky little things I might say or dirty looks I might give to those I thought might have had something to do with what I've been up against for so long.
Well, declaring that I've kicked Schmaylor to the curb does sound pretty snarky, but here's where such a statement might actually constitute something other than base retaliation. Okay, I don't think sending my male friend issue number nine of my Richy Vegas memoir comic, a book that told my side of a story so many of these people seemed so invested in one part of, I don't think the act of sending my male friend that book constituted retaliation. Nope, not by any stretch of the imagination.
Remember, a couple of posts ago, I hypothesized that my male friend's wife got hold of that book, read it, and felt compelled to do a complete one-eighty on how she felt about the version of that crude sexual proposition story she may have heard about me from someone in her world. The crude sexual proposition story I openly talk about in issue number nine. The crude sexual proposition story that I place into the greater context of what all I went through at that that time. I hypothesized that my friend's wife, whom I also count as a friend, became an advocate for my position and interests after reading that issue of the Richy Vegas comic book.
Does any of that, speculative though I may sound right now, sound like base retaliation to the readers out there? I think sending that issue of my comic book to my male friend may have set in motion the kicking to the curb of one Schmaylor Schmift. Does happily crowing about the possible outcome of said kicking to the curb of one Schmalyor Schmift amount to a micro-retaliation? Well, if one really has a stick up one's ass, maybe, but I personally would disagree with such an opinion.
I see it as more akin to spreading my peacock feathers over possibly winning a game of Schmaylor's own devising, a game Schmaylor played using her own set of rules, and a game Schmaylor played where she got to define what exactly signified victory for her and hers over me. The reason I feel ready to crow and strut at this time has to do with my experiences of this same game women played with me in the past; a game they got to make up the rules to; and a game where they got to define what it was that made them such a winner at it. They all think they're so special and unique as individuals when they start up on these games with me, but to me it all registers as the same shit I've been dealing with since the mid-eighties, and I handled the situation accordingly.
Okay, I'll come out and say it. I think Schmaylor lost this game, and she deserved to lose at this game. I don't think any god of any right-living, right-thinking person's imagining would be on the side of someone coming from the place she came from. I don't think her and hers aggression against me had anything to do with a higher moral code they tried to adhere to. I think the reason for their aggression had to more to do with their overall perception of me as vulnerable to such aggression, and that their aggression had to do with their overall perception that they could get away with it. I think she saw me as a helpless, mentally ill guy who couldn't defend himself, and they saw such a seemingly tangible chance at a rather easy victory, they couldn't help themselves.
I don't consider any actions I've taken up to the point in regards to this situation as retaliation. Furthermore, as far as I'm concerned, it's over. I have no desire to hurt anyone over what they've may have been up to with me. If anyone from law enforcement or the media ever wants me to tell them what I think was going on all these years, yeah, I might talk to someone like that, maybe, but I'm not looking to reach out to anyone in those worlds. My work is done, as far as I'm concerned.
Well, declaring that I've kicked Schmaylor to the curb does sound pretty snarky, but here's where such a statement might actually constitute something other than base retaliation. Okay, I don't think sending my male friend issue number nine of my Richy Vegas memoir comic, a book that told my side of a story so many of these people seemed so invested in one part of, I don't think the act of sending my male friend that book constituted retaliation. Nope, not by any stretch of the imagination.
Remember, a couple of posts ago, I hypothesized that my male friend's wife got hold of that book, read it, and felt compelled to do a complete one-eighty on how she felt about the version of that crude sexual proposition story she may have heard about me from someone in her world. The crude sexual proposition story I openly talk about in issue number nine. The crude sexual proposition story that I place into the greater context of what all I went through at that that time. I hypothesized that my friend's wife, whom I also count as a friend, became an advocate for my position and interests after reading that issue of the Richy Vegas comic book.
Does any of that, speculative though I may sound right now, sound like base retaliation to the readers out there? I think sending that issue of my comic book to my male friend may have set in motion the kicking to the curb of one Schmaylor Schmift. Does happily crowing about the possible outcome of said kicking to the curb of one Schmalyor Schmift amount to a micro-retaliation? Well, if one really has a stick up one's ass, maybe, but I personally would disagree with such an opinion.
I see it as more akin to spreading my peacock feathers over possibly winning a game of Schmaylor's own devising, a game Schmaylor played using her own set of rules, and a game Schmaylor played where she got to define what exactly signified victory for her and hers over me. The reason I feel ready to crow and strut at this time has to do with my experiences of this same game women played with me in the past; a game they got to make up the rules to; and a game where they got to define what it was that made them such a winner at it. They all think they're so special and unique as individuals when they start up on these games with me, but to me it all registers as the same shit I've been dealing with since the mid-eighties, and I handled the situation accordingly.
Okay, I'll come out and say it. I think Schmaylor lost this game, and she deserved to lose at this game. I don't think any god of any right-living, right-thinking person's imagining would be on the side of someone coming from the place she came from. I don't think her and hers aggression against me had anything to do with a higher moral code they tried to adhere to. I think the reason for their aggression had to more to do with their overall perception of me as vulnerable to such aggression, and that their aggression had to do with their overall perception that they could get away with it. I think she saw me as a helpless, mentally ill guy who couldn't defend himself, and they saw such a seemingly tangible chance at a rather easy victory, they couldn't help themselves.
I don't consider any actions I've taken up to the point in regards to this situation as retaliation. Furthermore, as far as I'm concerned, it's over. I have no desire to hurt anyone over what they've may have been up to with me. If anyone from law enforcement or the media ever wants me to tell them what I think was going on all these years, yeah, I might talk to someone like that, maybe, but I'm not looking to reach out to anyone in those worlds. My work is done, as far as I'm concerned.
RSS Feed
