In my last post I said that I consider the material manifestation of my forgiveness of an individual to consist of no acts of retaliation against such a person. I said that I often don't want to be best buddies with those I forgive, but that not retaliating against them is good enough.
I then said that, on the other hand, I have to forgive TONS of attractive women whom I would definitely like to be best buddies with, but that forgiving such women in hopes of being best buddies with them is not real forgiveness. Forgiveness, the way I see it, involves letting go of the pain someone's emotional injury caused me and leaving it by the side of the road and going on down that road. Hoping that a beautiful woman would desire to be best buddies with me in exchange for my forgiveness of them doesn't fit into what I consider forgiveness, therefore. All sorts of ugly things like feelings of entitlement on one's part can come up if one hopes for or expects something material in exchange for such forgiveness.
Yesterday I came to the realization that the happiest I've ever been in relation to beautiful women who've been mean to me came when I realized that I could carry on by myself and be quite happy WITHOUT them in my life in a positive way. That would really make sense then, if I hoped for nothing material in return for my forgiveness of such a woman, that being happy without them is a real place that I started working to get to in my twenties, a real place I've experienced many times since to the point where I can offer the most stunningly beautiful of mean girls a forgiveness that requires NOTHING in return from them.
Back in the day, a beautiful girl didn't even have to be mean to me for me to be miserable over them. They just had to be unavailable somehow. Unavailable logistically, like they had a boyfriend, and/or unavailable because they had no interest in dating me. One of my earliest, meanest crushes came to me as a sophomore in high school over the dynamic between me and a freshman girl. I KNEW there was NO WAY she could feel the same intensity of feeling for me that i felt for her, and that was enough to send me into a tailspin.
Over the years, I learned to accept greater and greater degrees of unavailability. For example, a girl in my sophomore year of college committed the offense against me of being a really nice, beautiful girl in my art class who had a serious boyfriend. At the time, THAT was enough to send me into a tailspin, but over time I learned to accept that kind of unavailability.
Nowadays. they have to be really trying to be mean to me to tie me up in knots, but like I said, even those days, and those mean girls, might be on their way out. Why? Because, hey, I've come to the realization that the happiest I've been in relation to ANY unavailable woman is when I discover I can be happy without her in my life. What are these mean girls going to do about that one? Can they keep playing cruel rejection games with me? Can they keep tying me up in knots with such games? We shall see. I doubt it, but we shall see.
I then said that, on the other hand, I have to forgive TONS of attractive women whom I would definitely like to be best buddies with, but that forgiving such women in hopes of being best buddies with them is not real forgiveness. Forgiveness, the way I see it, involves letting go of the pain someone's emotional injury caused me and leaving it by the side of the road and going on down that road. Hoping that a beautiful woman would desire to be best buddies with me in exchange for my forgiveness of them doesn't fit into what I consider forgiveness, therefore. All sorts of ugly things like feelings of entitlement on one's part can come up if one hopes for or expects something material in exchange for such forgiveness.
Yesterday I came to the realization that the happiest I've ever been in relation to beautiful women who've been mean to me came when I realized that I could carry on by myself and be quite happy WITHOUT them in my life in a positive way. That would really make sense then, if I hoped for nothing material in return for my forgiveness of such a woman, that being happy without them is a real place that I started working to get to in my twenties, a real place I've experienced many times since to the point where I can offer the most stunningly beautiful of mean girls a forgiveness that requires NOTHING in return from them.
Back in the day, a beautiful girl didn't even have to be mean to me for me to be miserable over them. They just had to be unavailable somehow. Unavailable logistically, like they had a boyfriend, and/or unavailable because they had no interest in dating me. One of my earliest, meanest crushes came to me as a sophomore in high school over the dynamic between me and a freshman girl. I KNEW there was NO WAY she could feel the same intensity of feeling for me that i felt for her, and that was enough to send me into a tailspin.
Over the years, I learned to accept greater and greater degrees of unavailability. For example, a girl in my sophomore year of college committed the offense against me of being a really nice, beautiful girl in my art class who had a serious boyfriend. At the time, THAT was enough to send me into a tailspin, but over time I learned to accept that kind of unavailability.
Nowadays. they have to be really trying to be mean to me to tie me up in knots, but like I said, even those days, and those mean girls, might be on their way out. Why? Because, hey, I've come to the realization that the happiest I've been in relation to ANY unavailable woman is when I discover I can be happy without her in my life. What are these mean girls going to do about that one? Can they keep playing cruel rejection games with me? Can they keep tying me up in knots with such games? We shall see. I doubt it, but we shall see.
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