One aspect of my recovery from love addiction pertains to just how very astute I've become, in my opinion, about women and the various situations I've found myself in with them these past however many years. For example, I've written about the time I went to Vulcan Video in late 2017, and how I ran into a woman I used to live next door to around 2009/2010. When I saw her at Vulcan Video, I got the impression she wanted me to ask her out, ask her for her number, whatever. I decided against it, because I just didn't feel like switching gears.
I lived next door to her for a good year, year and a half, and here at the Vulcan Video however many years later, I get the first inkling that she had any interest in me at all for that sort of thing. And furthermore, back when she lived next door to me, I invited her to an early evening party at my house. At about 9:15/ 9:30, while people were still hanging out at my house, I had occasion to go outside. I looked over at my neighbor, through her living room window, and she sat there watching TV and eating her dinner. So this sudden interest in me at Vulcan Video, all those years later, made me uncomfortable. I stood my ground and refused to jump through her hoops, By jumping through her hoops, I mean she wanted to get me to initiate the asking her out, asking for her number, and so on.
For four years that encounter with my former neighbor at Vulcan Video rattled around in my head. For the longest time, I saw the possibilities of where she came from with the sudden interest in me in dualistic, black-and-white terms. Was she just playing me? If I went ahead and asked her out, would she have then said something about having a boyfriend and left me in the lurch? Or was she genuinely interested in me asking her out, and I could have really had a shot at dating her if I'd only taken advantage of this opportunity she was giving me?
Four years later, in late 2021, I considered a third possibility. 1) Yes, she wanted me to ask her out, because she was genuinely interested in going out with me, but 2) I would have had one, maybe two dates with her before she quickly lost interest in me, because she got me to jump through her hoops in the first place. This third possibility seems sooo likely, given what all I've learned about so many women over the years. Trust me, a very astute observation.
The second observation I want to talk about has to do with the former cashier I approached at her old grocery store job in October 2021. I mark that occasion as a transcendent experience. When I approached her at her job that day in late-October of 2021, it was as if all the total bullshit she'd thrown up in my face the preceding three years didn't matter anymore, and this occasion marked the first time we'd really encountered each other in a naked, honest way. She was very nice, for the record, about my rather ballsy approach to her that day.
After she didn't show up at my the comic book event I invited her to on that occasion, I knew of one thing I definitely DID NOT want to try to do. I did not want to try to rebound, cash in, or otherwise try to take advantage of any supposed opportunities created by my gesture towards her at her job when I approached her that day. Sure enough, no big windfall of attractive, interested women ever manifested itself after that transcendent experience with the former cashier.
Whenever I had these transcendent experiences in my twenties. I would have these big expectations that I could most definitely cash in with my pick of other women in my world, and that just never seemed to happen. A couple of weeks ago, I concluded that my expectations of cashing in fucked me over BEFORE anyone like "Wanda," "Myrna," or Alice ever came on the scene and finished the job.
Nope, no windfall of interested, attractive women ever came around after that transcendent experience of two years ago, but I did get the usual cohort of less than wonderful women lining up outside my door to play the role of disappointment to me. Among their number, I'm pretty sure I can count the former cashier her own bad self, and also, that famous woman I've gone on and on about these past seven months.
Anyway, I've outlined two very astute observations pertaining to women and some of the experiences I've had with them these past however may years. Maybe my guesses about the famous woman inhabit a realm that is, by default, divorced from reality, given the very nature of bringing this famous woman, whom I've never met, into the equation. That may be, but like I said, I'll go with my accurate take on the first two, even if the rest of the world doesn't want to acknowledge that my take on the famous woman in my last post maybe has a basis in reality.
My last post talks about how I may take up enough space in this woman's head to where the habit of staying up late and drinking wine alone, which she confesses to doing in the liner notes of her last album, has as much to do with me as any other guy she's more famous for having associated with.
And yeah, I'm supposed to just buy into the notion that, on the one hand, I can make very accurate, astute observations concerning my former neighbor and that former cashier and the experiences I had with them both, but to go into some guesses about that famous woman...oh boy, now I'm totally in la-la land about this one thing and this one thing alone! Well, okay, have it your way, but like I said, two out of three ain't bad. In fact, two out of three is so good, I manage to make intelligent decisions about the la-la land woman too, such as sending her only ONE postcard to her fan club last summer, and posting only ONE message on one of her social media accounts. AND, the nature of both of the things I wrote, on the postcard and in the social media message, is pretty bland and unsensational in both instances.
Yeah, I've written and recorded some pretty outrageous songs about her, but who wouldn't. AND I've called her things like "asshole," "bully," and "coward," but hey, that's stuff I've written on this blog. For a guy who's supposedly out to lunch in regards to this famous woman, I've been pretty careful, overall.
I lived next door to her for a good year, year and a half, and here at the Vulcan Video however many years later, I get the first inkling that she had any interest in me at all for that sort of thing. And furthermore, back when she lived next door to me, I invited her to an early evening party at my house. At about 9:15/ 9:30, while people were still hanging out at my house, I had occasion to go outside. I looked over at my neighbor, through her living room window, and she sat there watching TV and eating her dinner. So this sudden interest in me at Vulcan Video, all those years later, made me uncomfortable. I stood my ground and refused to jump through her hoops, By jumping through her hoops, I mean she wanted to get me to initiate the asking her out, asking for her number, and so on.
For four years that encounter with my former neighbor at Vulcan Video rattled around in my head. For the longest time, I saw the possibilities of where she came from with the sudden interest in me in dualistic, black-and-white terms. Was she just playing me? If I went ahead and asked her out, would she have then said something about having a boyfriend and left me in the lurch? Or was she genuinely interested in me asking her out, and I could have really had a shot at dating her if I'd only taken advantage of this opportunity she was giving me?
Four years later, in late 2021, I considered a third possibility. 1) Yes, she wanted me to ask her out, because she was genuinely interested in going out with me, but 2) I would have had one, maybe two dates with her before she quickly lost interest in me, because she got me to jump through her hoops in the first place. This third possibility seems sooo likely, given what all I've learned about so many women over the years. Trust me, a very astute observation.
The second observation I want to talk about has to do with the former cashier I approached at her old grocery store job in October 2021. I mark that occasion as a transcendent experience. When I approached her at her job that day in late-October of 2021, it was as if all the total bullshit she'd thrown up in my face the preceding three years didn't matter anymore, and this occasion marked the first time we'd really encountered each other in a naked, honest way. She was very nice, for the record, about my rather ballsy approach to her that day.
After she didn't show up at my the comic book event I invited her to on that occasion, I knew of one thing I definitely DID NOT want to try to do. I did not want to try to rebound, cash in, or otherwise try to take advantage of any supposed opportunities created by my gesture towards her at her job when I approached her that day. Sure enough, no big windfall of attractive, interested women ever manifested itself after that transcendent experience with the former cashier.
Whenever I had these transcendent experiences in my twenties. I would have these big expectations that I could most definitely cash in with my pick of other women in my world, and that just never seemed to happen. A couple of weeks ago, I concluded that my expectations of cashing in fucked me over BEFORE anyone like "Wanda," "Myrna," or Alice ever came on the scene and finished the job.
Nope, no windfall of interested, attractive women ever came around after that transcendent experience of two years ago, but I did get the usual cohort of less than wonderful women lining up outside my door to play the role of disappointment to me. Among their number, I'm pretty sure I can count the former cashier her own bad self, and also, that famous woman I've gone on and on about these past seven months.
Anyway, I've outlined two very astute observations pertaining to women and some of the experiences I've had with them these past however may years. Maybe my guesses about the famous woman inhabit a realm that is, by default, divorced from reality, given the very nature of bringing this famous woman, whom I've never met, into the equation. That may be, but like I said, I'll go with my accurate take on the first two, even if the rest of the world doesn't want to acknowledge that my take on the famous woman in my last post maybe has a basis in reality.
My last post talks about how I may take up enough space in this woman's head to where the habit of staying up late and drinking wine alone, which she confesses to doing in the liner notes of her last album, has as much to do with me as any other guy she's more famous for having associated with.
And yeah, I'm supposed to just buy into the notion that, on the one hand, I can make very accurate, astute observations concerning my former neighbor and that former cashier and the experiences I had with them both, but to go into some guesses about that famous woman...oh boy, now I'm totally in la-la land about this one thing and this one thing alone! Well, okay, have it your way, but like I said, two out of three ain't bad. In fact, two out of three is so good, I manage to make intelligent decisions about the la-la land woman too, such as sending her only ONE postcard to her fan club last summer, and posting only ONE message on one of her social media accounts. AND, the nature of both of the things I wrote, on the postcard and in the social media message, is pretty bland and unsensational in both instances.
Yeah, I've written and recorded some pretty outrageous songs about her, but who wouldn't. AND I've called her things like "asshole," "bully," and "coward," but hey, that's stuff I've written on this blog. For a guy who's supposedly out to lunch in regards to this famous woman, I've been pretty careful, overall.
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