Throwing down the gauntlet

Okay, I really am throwing down the gauntlet with this post.  There's a young, very attractive woman at my job I think about.  Right now, I think her attractiveness stirred up my neurosis concerning hotties and how it all ties into my childhood and my family.  Briefly put, I believe my disproportionate attraction to twenty-two year old hotties over all other types of women stems from my childhood.  I grew up in a family where everyone was always tearing each other down with putdowns and criticism.  This went on a lot between myself and my siblings, especially, but my parents, especially my dad, got into the act as well.  Couple this constant backbiting and cruel things said to each other with the near total absence of displays of affection such as saying, "I love you," to each other, or hugging each other, or showing support for each other in things such as school work or my drawing skills, and yeah, a deficit of familial love there.  So I made it about twenty-two year old hotties.  That's because twenty-two year old hotties are the most harshly critical, judgmental, and unforgiving-of-my-shortcomings type of women I can make it all about.  

Don't get me wrong, I like this woman I work with, but the old, familiar fantasies that swirl around in my head after some prompting from the world around me started up again concerning her a few weeks ago, and all I've been able to do is use my math skills on this young woman.  Adding it up, I see no reason to infer any interest from her in me based on our interactions of these past several weeks.  I don't think she's out to get me or anything bad like that.  Let me be clear on that.  This is in no way an attempt to embarrass her or make her feel bad. 

Skeptical inquiry.  I have to eliminate the possibility that my stimulated response to our mundane interactions of these past few weeks has more to do with me and my old demons than any interest from her in me.  I doubt I will successfully eliminate that possibility, because that's probably what's really going on.  I have no plans to approach her for social reasons.  That possibility, the possibility that my neurosis is kicking in about her, has to fall by the wayside before any plans to approach her for social reasons take place.