When I first got the impression in late December that some of the attractive young women in my world wanted me to make "it" about that former cashier again, I found that doing so- making it about her once more- amounted to an almost traumatic experience. I found it difficult to just let the notion of this person become a thing to me again. The thought of it seemed to invite disaster. I would get really bummed out at the prospect of coming up empty in some major way as a consequence of making it about her all over again. My mood would swing from high to low at seemingly regular intervals. I've talked about such a phenomenon as something I could even chart in such a way that it would resemble a sine wave. Yeah, the sine wave came back.
As I found myself in the negative, downward part of the "sine wave" the other day, I went to my banjo lesson. The negative, downward part of the sine wave involved a lot of thoughts about just letting this whole situation go and moving on with my life. The letting go would stem from a lot of anger and resentment over feeling trapped in a situation that is not of my choosing. And you know what? I don't choose to have her not show up in my world. I don't choose to have attractive waitresses at diners avoid me and act standoffish. I don't choose to come up empty once more when I make it about someone who has never, ever expressed an interest in me in a way I can accept and understand.
I choose to make it about her, for now. But, like I said, I went to my banjo lesson, and my mood was good. I think it's because the prospect of letting go of people and situations I find frustrating is a course of action I know very well, and that when I decide on such a course of action, it's probably for the best. If I'm not happy with a person or the predicament they seem to want to put me in, I'm really looking out for their best interests as well as mine when I let them go. A learned, adult behavior I taught myself how to execute for the first time many, many years ago; that of letting go of people who make me crazy; has served me so well over these many, many years on more than one occasion.
Letting someone such as this former cashier go, once more, demonstrates a willingness to accept an outcome where we don't become boyfriend and girlfriend, and I think that a demonstrable willingness to accept such an outcome allows me to act in her best interests as well as mine. So, no need to feel shitty if my mind goes there in the downward part of the sine wave.
Those kinds of thoughts about this predicament, a predicament possibly imposed by her and other women in my world, allows me to spend a lot of time by myself and quite possibly not concern myself too much with patronizing certain diners and coffee shops that employ attractive young waitresses and baristas who seem to have some inside scoop on her end of my predicament. I find my mood sufficiently stable enough that I might not feel so much of a need to keep tabs on this situation in such a manner.
As I found myself in the negative, downward part of the "sine wave" the other day, I went to my banjo lesson. The negative, downward part of the sine wave involved a lot of thoughts about just letting this whole situation go and moving on with my life. The letting go would stem from a lot of anger and resentment over feeling trapped in a situation that is not of my choosing. And you know what? I don't choose to have her not show up in my world. I don't choose to have attractive waitresses at diners avoid me and act standoffish. I don't choose to come up empty once more when I make it about someone who has never, ever expressed an interest in me in a way I can accept and understand.
I choose to make it about her, for now. But, like I said, I went to my banjo lesson, and my mood was good. I think it's because the prospect of letting go of people and situations I find frustrating is a course of action I know very well, and that when I decide on such a course of action, it's probably for the best. If I'm not happy with a person or the predicament they seem to want to put me in, I'm really looking out for their best interests as well as mine when I let them go. A learned, adult behavior I taught myself how to execute for the first time many, many years ago; that of letting go of people who make me crazy; has served me so well over these many, many years on more than one occasion.
Letting someone such as this former cashier go, once more, demonstrates a willingness to accept an outcome where we don't become boyfriend and girlfriend, and I think that a demonstrable willingness to accept such an outcome allows me to act in her best interests as well as mine. So, no need to feel shitty if my mind goes there in the downward part of the sine wave.
Those kinds of thoughts about this predicament, a predicament possibly imposed by her and other women in my world, allows me to spend a lot of time by myself and quite possibly not concern myself too much with patronizing certain diners and coffee shops that employ attractive young waitresses and baristas who seem to have some inside scoop on her end of my predicament. I find my mood sufficiently stable enough that I might not feel so much of a need to keep tabs on this situation in such a manner.
RSS Feed
