In my last post I talked about how I'm the one constant in all of my fixations on girls and women over the years. And so I feel that way about that former cashier. When I started obsessing on a girl in high school at the age of fifteen, the dynamic in play became painfully obvious to me. I KNEW there was no way she could feel the same way for me that I felt for her. That sent me into a total tailspin. Looking back at EVERY SINGLE fixation I had on a girl or woman since then, I've come to realize that the same disparity in the level of feeling between us defined EVERY SINGLE one of them.
And so I've come to realize that this same dynamic was, and still may be, in effect between myself and this former cashier at that grocery store I still patronize. As I developed as a man over the years, I found that I could touch a woman's heart in how I expressed my feelings for her. I learned to do this in a sustainable way starting with Sara in 1988. I may or may not have touched that former cashier's heart to the point where she now has a desire to express something to me. I can't say I know the answer to that. I haven't seen her in a month and a half.
I'm not about to make the claim that I somehow have touched her heart. The last time I made that claim, in about July of this year, I wound up feeling like a real asshole. Looking at some of the women in my world I associated with her, it seemed as if I'd missed the mark on that one. Now, I don't know. It might be something worth looking into. If she decides to not show up anymore, I hope she sees me in a kinder light than she appeared to see me in the past.
And so I've come to realize that this same dynamic was, and still may be, in effect between myself and this former cashier at that grocery store I still patronize. As I developed as a man over the years, I found that I could touch a woman's heart in how I expressed my feelings for her. I learned to do this in a sustainable way starting with Sara in 1988. I may or may not have touched that former cashier's heart to the point where she now has a desire to express something to me. I can't say I know the answer to that. I haven't seen her in a month and a half.
I'm not about to make the claim that I somehow have touched her heart. The last time I made that claim, in about July of this year, I wound up feeling like a real asshole. Looking at some of the women in my world I associated with her, it seemed as if I'd missed the mark on that one. Now, I don't know. It might be something worth looking into. If she decides to not show up anymore, I hope she sees me in a kinder light than she appeared to see me in the past.
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