I broke up with Jeannette in January of 1986. We'd dated for a month. She was someone who declared that she wasn't interested in dating me at first, but she came around later. Before she came around, I'd had a major psychotic episode that centered around my fixation on Veronica Ortega. Veronica never loved me. Jeannette loved me, but the experience of her love came after I'd been through a lot, and I just felt exhausted and exasperated by the whole business.
I guess that former cashier is only doing the best she can with this torture of me from afar. I think maybe people-perhaps people associated with me- have been coaching her on doing it this way. I hope I was never ugly to her. I hope she can forgive me if I was. If some weeks and months pass and still no word from her, I suppose I'll have to let go of her, yet again. The attraction I always had to her, and the attraction that only increased after she started in on me in February of 2019, only feels that more omnipresent now. I definitely was the first to this dance, but I'm not going to blame her for arriving late.
I guess that former cashier is only doing the best she can with this torture of me from afar. I think maybe people-perhaps people associated with me- have been coaching her on doing it this way. I hope I was never ugly to her. I hope she can forgive me if I was. If some weeks and months pass and still no word from her, I suppose I'll have to let go of her, yet again. The attraction I always had to her, and the attraction that only increased after she started in on me in February of 2019, only feels that more omnipresent now. I definitely was the first to this dance, but I'm not going to blame her for arriving late.
RSS Feed
