My intentions

If I see that former cashier in my world in the coming days, weeks, or months, I intend to let her go, blow her off, call it what you will.  I wrote a post recently where I entertained the idea that she loved me but thought me unworthy of her.  I wrote about how this might have created an inner conflict in her where, on the one hand, she desired me, but on the other hand, she didn't want to show it.  I talked about how this was a very problematic way for me to think.  I talk about how thinking along these lines, and then acting on such thoughts, can lead to a lot of unwanted pursuit and unwanted attention from me towards someone such as her.  I don't want to do that.

Every woman from my past that I used to think had that kind of thing going on inside of them turned out to not love me after all.  It figuratively makes my head hurt thinking about women such as Jenna and Wanda and Julie Drake and trying to fit them into some category of women who cared for me but were too proud to show it.  I don't want to put myself through that again, first off, and I don't want to put her through it, either. 

From February 24th, 2020: "​So, does this or that person really like me or not?  You know, that kind of a question is grounds for people getting divorced after ten, twenty, even thirty years of marriage.  One spouse just asks themselves of the other, "Does this person even like me?"  Imagine how I feel. "