I feel as if I got played by someone in my world these past two and a half weeks. I snapped to it last night/this morning and did a complete one-eighty on my assessment of the situation and the person in question. It's a real drag for me to say this, because this person is really, really attractive, and they seemed really cool.
It's only been two and half weeks since she started in on me, and nothing really disastrous happened, but still. There always seems to be someone out there who stands at the ready to let me know who I "really am," and where I "really belong." I basically kept myself at arm's length from her, because that's my "A" game, you see. I find it best to keep myself at arm's length from women I desire. And I don't mean I'm keeping THEM at arm's length from ME, but rather I'm keeping MYSELF at arm's length from THEM.
I find these protocols and procedures really helpful, such as keeping myself at arm's length from someone I desire greatly, because then I don't have to be so fearful all the time about women such as this trying to harm me. I can just put the procedures in place and see how it all shakes out in my mind and in my world and that is that. I don't have to always be so hyper-vigilant about keeping myself from getting hurt by such women.
One of the main symptoms of schizoaffective disorder is the fear that others will try to harm me. But handling the situation the way I handled it is akin to safe driving or safe sex practices. I can drive a car without constantly being afraid that I'll get into a wreck. I can have sex (once in a blue moon. Yeesh!) and not be super afraid of the diseases or the person I'm having sex with. And I can assign someone the role of love interest for a while (in this instance, two days) without having to worry about some crash and burn breakdown experience every time I do so.
It's only been two and half weeks since she started in on me, and nothing really disastrous happened, but still. There always seems to be someone out there who stands at the ready to let me know who I "really am," and where I "really belong." I basically kept myself at arm's length from her, because that's my "A" game, you see. I find it best to keep myself at arm's length from women I desire. And I don't mean I'm keeping THEM at arm's length from ME, but rather I'm keeping MYSELF at arm's length from THEM.
I find these protocols and procedures really helpful, such as keeping myself at arm's length from someone I desire greatly, because then I don't have to be so fearful all the time about women such as this trying to harm me. I can just put the procedures in place and see how it all shakes out in my mind and in my world and that is that. I don't have to always be so hyper-vigilant about keeping myself from getting hurt by such women.
One of the main symptoms of schizoaffective disorder is the fear that others will try to harm me. But handling the situation the way I handled it is akin to safe driving or safe sex practices. I can drive a car without constantly being afraid that I'll get into a wreck. I can have sex (once in a blue moon. Yeesh!) and not be super afraid of the diseases or the person I'm having sex with. And I can assign someone the role of love interest for a while (in this instance, two days) without having to worry about some crash and burn breakdown experience every time I do so.
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