I've just completed a comic book that chronicled how I experienced a hallucination about Anna. "Anna" was a classmate I fixated on during the spring semester of 1986. I experienced a hallucination about her in 1995. The hallucination had me thwarting a serial killer who was stalking her. In the hallucination I recruited the cool punks and Matt to help me save her. I had a LOT of hallucinations of that nature during the early months of 1995.
From 2019 to 2025 I mixed it up with that former cashier from that grocery store. I used every trick in the book to come to terms with my fixation on her. She finally set me free in September or October of 2025 by letting me know that, yes. she really was not available, and that, finally, she just wanted to let bygones be bygones and allow me to walk away from that whole bad deal.
If I could choose only one of those two experiences, I'd choose the experience I had concerning that former cashier over my heroic "recovered memories" of 1992 and 1995. The recovered memories were just me being ill, while I actually had to employ brain power and make concrete decisions about that former cashier. The way I let go of that former cashier, and how I prevailed in getting my wish to just let her go, healed a lot of wounds from my very painful twenties.
MInd you, if I actually did save Anna and all of those others, that would definitely be something. But I'm talking about the WAY I experienced those heroic deeds versus the way I experienced dealing with that former cashier. The experience regarding Anna and all of those others was more of an experience of my own mind, while the years I spent dealing with that situation with that former cashier was very much of this world.
From 2019 to 2025 I mixed it up with that former cashier from that grocery store. I used every trick in the book to come to terms with my fixation on her. She finally set me free in September or October of 2025 by letting me know that, yes. she really was not available, and that, finally, she just wanted to let bygones be bygones and allow me to walk away from that whole bad deal.
If I could choose only one of those two experiences, I'd choose the experience I had concerning that former cashier over my heroic "recovered memories" of 1992 and 1995. The recovered memories were just me being ill, while I actually had to employ brain power and make concrete decisions about that former cashier. The way I let go of that former cashier, and how I prevailed in getting my wish to just let her go, healed a lot of wounds from my very painful twenties.
MInd you, if I actually did save Anna and all of those others, that would definitely be something. But I'm talking about the WAY I experienced those heroic deeds versus the way I experienced dealing with that former cashier. The experience regarding Anna and all of those others was more of an experience of my own mind, while the years I spent dealing with that situation with that former cashier was very much of this world.
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