In my last post I wrote about my plans to sharply curtail my patronage of that coffee shop. It's the end of the month, and money is tight. I've bought one latte from that coffee shop in the last ten days. I've refrained from eating in a restaurant in that time as well. I spent s lot of my discretionary budget on CD's this past month, and I only have about eleven dollars left for the rest of the month to spend on discretionary things such as coffee and tea from the coffee shop, restaurant meals, CD's, books, vinyl records, and nights out to see bands.
So yeah, I hope to save a lot of money with this plan to curtail my patronage of that coffee shop, but that's not the only reason I want to do that. I've never picked up a barista at any of these coffee shops I've patronized over the years, nor have I ever struck up an acquaintance with a female patron, either. I've never picked up a waitress in any of these restaurants and diners I've patronized, either. I feel as if my continued, frequent patronage of such places sets me up to continue to look for something I'm not finding in these places. I'm sixty years old, and I think it's time I changed things up a bit.
Yesterday I thought about all of the changes I've made to improve my relationship with women. I've quit smoking, drinking, and doing drugs, for example. I've worked on my issues with love addiction through self-care as well as support groups. These major changes I've made only seem to bring about modest, incremental changes to my fortunes as far as dating goes and stuff like that. Quitting substance abuse brought on great improvements to my health and overall mood and outlook, but for actual material manifestations of success with women, not so much.
As I took my mind along this path of what all my lifestyle and mental health changes have done for me, I thought about the things I hoped these changes would bring me. When I committed to abstinence from drugs and alcohol in early 2009, I hoped that such a decision would result in a dramatic blossoming of my fortunes with women. Instead, I found more work for me to do in the sphere of coming to terms with my love addiction. I wanted a Cinderella story to come about for me, for sure. I wanted an end to my drab, joyless life. I wanted to ride off into the sunset with a really desirable woman in my world. I wanted a near total transformation from my life as I knew it to one I'd never known but often fantasized about.
The problem with those kinds of desires, and really, the problem with putting too much stock in them, resides in how vulnerable such desires can make one to the wrong person coming along and wreaking havoc. I remember what I started to do when I began to genuinely turn things around for myself in October of 2001. The September 11th attacks still hung over everyone, and I read a headline in the online New York Times that talked about how vulnerable single New Yorkers felt in the wake of the attacks. Their fears centered around the prospect of "dying alone," I suppose.
Anyway, all of that stuff went on in my head one night around October 20th of 2001, and I came to a realization. I realized that all of my substance abuse habits represented an effort to cope with loneliness. As this night took hold, I started cleaning up my apartment. I eventually settled in for the night and went to bed. In the following months I joined a support group for smokers I found by calling the American Lung Association, and so it began.
Wow, I feel so inspired now! Yeah, I can try sharply curtailing my patronage of that coffee shop, and that diner as well, if it can help serve as the kind of touchstone for changes I'll make that resemble the changes I started making in October of 2001. I read an obituary of Peter Lawford, Jr., where they featured quotes from an interview he did discussing his recovery from drinking and all of that. He talked about his dad and the other Rat Packers- Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr- and how they continued with their bad habits for the rest of their lives and how that caused them to die "angry." So maybe "not dying alone" isn't so much of what it's about. We all go through that lonesome valley alone, after all. Perhaps a worthwhile and achievable goal is to not die angry.
Here's some more outlined pages from my latest book.
So yeah, I hope to save a lot of money with this plan to curtail my patronage of that coffee shop, but that's not the only reason I want to do that. I've never picked up a barista at any of these coffee shops I've patronized over the years, nor have I ever struck up an acquaintance with a female patron, either. I've never picked up a waitress in any of these restaurants and diners I've patronized, either. I feel as if my continued, frequent patronage of such places sets me up to continue to look for something I'm not finding in these places. I'm sixty years old, and I think it's time I changed things up a bit.
Yesterday I thought about all of the changes I've made to improve my relationship with women. I've quit smoking, drinking, and doing drugs, for example. I've worked on my issues with love addiction through self-care as well as support groups. These major changes I've made only seem to bring about modest, incremental changes to my fortunes as far as dating goes and stuff like that. Quitting substance abuse brought on great improvements to my health and overall mood and outlook, but for actual material manifestations of success with women, not so much.
As I took my mind along this path of what all my lifestyle and mental health changes have done for me, I thought about the things I hoped these changes would bring me. When I committed to abstinence from drugs and alcohol in early 2009, I hoped that such a decision would result in a dramatic blossoming of my fortunes with women. Instead, I found more work for me to do in the sphere of coming to terms with my love addiction. I wanted a Cinderella story to come about for me, for sure. I wanted an end to my drab, joyless life. I wanted to ride off into the sunset with a really desirable woman in my world. I wanted a near total transformation from my life as I knew it to one I'd never known but often fantasized about.
The problem with those kinds of desires, and really, the problem with putting too much stock in them, resides in how vulnerable such desires can make one to the wrong person coming along and wreaking havoc. I remember what I started to do when I began to genuinely turn things around for myself in October of 2001. The September 11th attacks still hung over everyone, and I read a headline in the online New York Times that talked about how vulnerable single New Yorkers felt in the wake of the attacks. Their fears centered around the prospect of "dying alone," I suppose.
Anyway, all of that stuff went on in my head one night around October 20th of 2001, and I came to a realization. I realized that all of my substance abuse habits represented an effort to cope with loneliness. As this night took hold, I started cleaning up my apartment. I eventually settled in for the night and went to bed. In the following months I joined a support group for smokers I found by calling the American Lung Association, and so it began.
Wow, I feel so inspired now! Yeah, I can try sharply curtailing my patronage of that coffee shop, and that diner as well, if it can help serve as the kind of touchstone for changes I'll make that resemble the changes I started making in October of 2001. I read an obituary of Peter Lawford, Jr., where they featured quotes from an interview he did discussing his recovery from drinking and all of that. He talked about his dad and the other Rat Packers- Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr- and how they continued with their bad habits for the rest of their lives and how that caused them to die "angry." So maybe "not dying alone" isn't so much of what it's about. We all go through that lonesome valley alone, after all. Perhaps a worthwhile and achievable goal is to not die angry.
Here's some more outlined pages from my latest book.
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