I shot a video that documented my 2017 song, "Fuck-face on Monday and Fuck-face on Friday," last Sunday.  It's the sequel song to "See What Fuck-face Is Up To Today."  It's about only looking up fuck-face on the internet on Monday and Friday.  "...Every day other is no fuck-face my day," is how it goes.  Anyhoo, I think Schmaylor got pissed off about me posting that on my YouTube 2 channel.  What a punk!

For the past couple of weeks I had some ideas about writing blog posts about women in my world who gave me some kind of contact information only to not reciprocate when I messaged them via the email address they gave me or the social media account info they gave me.  I thought about purposefully avoiding them until enough time had passed for them to get the message that they really didn't count much with me.

I never went through with any post like that, because none of these interactions rose to the level of a big enough deal for me to hold a mad on about these women for more than a day or two or, at the most, two and a half days.  These women I talk about work at food service businesses I patronize, and that's how I became acquainted with them in the first place.  

I decided to patronize these women's places of employment as much or as little as I cared to on any given day or week, because the changes I've made to my game allow me to think of my interactions with them as part of some greater purpose.  It doesn't matter what exactly shakes out with either of  these women, because the changes I've made to my game typically give me food for thought and a viable, positive frame of reference for me to draw on for possible future situations with possible future women.

Back when I was eighteen years old, I got a girl's phone number one night at Antone's when I went to see a friend's band play.  I called her the next day or day after that.  She answered, said she was busy, but that she'd call me back, but she never did.  I flushed the napkin with her phone number down the toilet, and in so doing cut myself off from any chance that I would wind up obsessively calling her over and over and over again.

When I was nineteen, in 1984, I developed a devastating fixation on a classmate named Cathy in my UT art class.  I think, looking back, that I'd believed myself to have outgrown that tendency I had to obsess on girls and women.  The fact that I became so obsessed with Cathy, who had a serious boyfriend, really knocked me into a major depression and devastating feelings of despair and hopelessness.  

It took my situation with Sara in 1988 to really get a handle on how to deal with someone I found myself obsessed with.  The "what if I turned my back on love" experiment opened up a whole set of new options for me to pursue in how I related to someone like Sara.  What wound up happening came about as a result of me holding Sara to minimum standards of engagement with me.  

Like the girl I met at Antone's, I let Sara go when she failed to meet minimum standards of engagement with me.  The trick of it was, though, that Sara was someone I was really fixated on.  So the inquiry into possibly turning my back on love in letting Sara go allowed me to hold her to the same set of standards as that girl I met at Antone's.

A big difference in my game from when I flushed that girl's number down the toilet involves my ability to keep contact information and know that if I don't want to contact a woman anymore, I won't.  What my experience with Sara taught me, and what I've been able to build upon in the following years, is self control.  These two women at these two food service places have each received just one message from me since they gave me their contact information.  I don't need to resort to discarding the means of contacting either of them in order to practice sufficient self control.

With that level of self control I can patronize their places of employment as much or a little as I care to.  Either of them could date ten guys each over the next three months and engage in gaudy displays of affection with dudes right there where I can see them, and it might not make a damn bit of difference to me.  I just might have to bring a sick bag with me if such displays get too over the top.

I posted a few weeks ago about barking up the wrong tree.  I said I wanted to make it my goal for the rest of the year to refrain from casting about for a love interest.  I consider that a worthy goal.  Such a goal might not seem like much of anything to a lot of people, but it actually proves challenging to someone such as myself who would normally try find some woman to connect with at all times.  This kind of impulse made going out on the town for fun and relaxation a bit of a drag, because the never-ending hunt for a love interest, sex partner, whatever, took all the fun out of just gong to see some bands or going to a party or whatnot.  Back in my twenties I would concentrate on drinking when I couldn't find someone to glom onto.  I would concentrate on drinking when I could find someone to glom onto.

How does one go about "connecting" with a woman out in public?  My go-to move, to connect with a woman in my mind, was to look at her.  Then looking would become staring, and oh, there goes the love connection!  So, first, I try not to stare, then I try to not judge an event such as a music show at a club or a party on whether there are attractive women to "connect with" (stare at).  Yeah, staring at attractive young women has been a lifelong habit of mine that I'm still working on.

So, yeah, refraining from staring at women and refraining from casting about for a love interest from amongst the women in my world occupies me these days, mentally at least.  Anyhoo, I must be doing something right, because I've completed some demanding creative projects such as shooting videos, the latest examples one can find on my You Tube 2 channel (link in menu bar on this page), and completing the illustrations of my latest  Richy Vegas Psychoverse book.  I posted the cover art below.

I've only got the four pages of cover art to finish to complete the illustrations on this issue.  I plan on going out to breakfast to celebrate tomorrow morning.  

I went to the Austin Corn Lovers Fiesta last night.  At one point in the evening, I thought I saw the other party.  I call the person I attribute an alleged internet presence I supposedly have that I did not consent to "the other party."  Anyhoo, I think I had a sighting of this other party last night at the Corn Lovers Fiesta.

I have absolutely zero desire to reach out to this person and try to make things right with them in that particular manner.  Instead, I will simply reiterate my previously stated position on this whole affair and say that I will forgive this person to the extent that I will not attempt to retaliate against them for the wrongs they may or may not have done unto me.

I see actually reaching out to them as an attempt to prove what a great guy I am, and by extension, I see reaching out in such a manner as an attempt to gain some material thing from this person.  Material things I might hope to gain from reaching out to them might include access to art gallery shows or gigs for my musical act.

The one thing I can definitely gain from unilaterally forgiving them their trespasses against me and having that forgiveness take the form of promising myself I will not attempt to retaliate against them; the one thing I can gain from that course of action I already possess.  That one thing I already possess comes on the form of a sense of inner peace and quiet about this horrible, evil deed I accuse the person of perpetrating against me.  The inner peace and quiet I experience, daily, stems from the path I take of no attempts to retaliate against this person or any person I associate with her.  In essence, I've already gained all I can realistically hope  to gain from any act of forgiveness from me towards this person, and I don't have any need to reach out to them.

Let me make this one point clear.  I consider a concerted effort on my part to refrain from even shooting this person a dirty look or making a cutting remark around them a huge component of my overall position of forgiveness towards them.  That's because attempting to refrain from retaliation on even that level helps me gain a greater sense of inner peace and overall well-being about the particulars of this whole atrocious affair.  The whole idea that I can stop this back and forth between myself and this person, even if it's just me on my end stopping my part in it; that really helps me a lot.

Which brings me to my concluding point.  What if this person continues on their path of attempting to get back at me? Well, there's just no pleasing some people, is there.  All the more reason to not even attempt to reach out to them in some sort of great-guy way.