I'll just come out and say it. The former cashier thought, for the longest time, that I was unworthy of her. This made whatever attraction she had towards me a problem for her. She may still think I'm unworthy of her, and that would mean that she still has unresolved feelings for me. In my last post I talked about my predicament. This may be a huge component of my predicament. This may be what exactly I have to forgive how she's been towards me for all these years.
Of course, for me to think this way about how this former cashier feels about me presents huge problems in their own right. This line of thinking, that the woman has feelings for the man she can't or won't admit to, has fueled and still fuels a lot of unwanted attention and pursuit of women by obsessive men for a very long time the wide world over. For me to even entertain such a possibility puts me in a bad position from the outset.
But what if the notion that this former cashier has unresolved, conflicted feelings for me were true? What if the delusion that so many boys and men tell themselves about women they desire who really don't desire these boys and men in return were true in my case? Well, it's been no bowl of cherries for me. This IS a lot to unpack. I don't want to go into it all in this one post.
Before I go, I'll go on about some aspects of this deal. If this is true, that this former cashier thinks me unworthy of her and yet desires me, this may not be the first time this has happened to me. In many, many instances, just letting go of such a woman and moving on solves the dilemma for all concerned parties. But, in my last post I talked about a predicament women in my world want to impose on me that signifies an attempt on their part to get me to deal with this situation. Moving on doesn't seem to be an option for me at this time. The last waitress who acted interested in me only to not really be interested in me might have been trying to impress this point on me.
So it won't be so easy for me to just move on from this fucked up deal. Very well. The closest thing I've had to movement in any direction regarding this former cashier comes as a result of my stated desire to just forgive her and move on. I think I saw her at my job not long after I started posting those posts about forgiving her and her friends for being mean to me. Well, there's a lot to go into on this supposed dynamic between myself and this former cashier, but that's for another time.
Of course, for me to think this way about how this former cashier feels about me presents huge problems in their own right. This line of thinking, that the woman has feelings for the man she can't or won't admit to, has fueled and still fuels a lot of unwanted attention and pursuit of women by obsessive men for a very long time the wide world over. For me to even entertain such a possibility puts me in a bad position from the outset.
But what if the notion that this former cashier has unresolved, conflicted feelings for me were true? What if the delusion that so many boys and men tell themselves about women they desire who really don't desire these boys and men in return were true in my case? Well, it's been no bowl of cherries for me. This IS a lot to unpack. I don't want to go into it all in this one post.
Before I go, I'll go on about some aspects of this deal. If this is true, that this former cashier thinks me unworthy of her and yet desires me, this may not be the first time this has happened to me. In many, many instances, just letting go of such a woman and moving on solves the dilemma for all concerned parties. But, in my last post I talked about a predicament women in my world want to impose on me that signifies an attempt on their part to get me to deal with this situation. Moving on doesn't seem to be an option for me at this time. The last waitress who acted interested in me only to not really be interested in me might have been trying to impress this point on me.
So it won't be so easy for me to just move on from this fucked up deal. Very well. The closest thing I've had to movement in any direction regarding this former cashier comes as a result of my stated desire to just forgive her and move on. I think I saw her at my job not long after I started posting those posts about forgiving her and her friends for being mean to me. Well, there's a lot to go into on this supposed dynamic between myself and this former cashier, but that's for another time.
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